You're watching the goddamn noisy box. Commercial Break! Rampant consumerism assaults you. The following video missive speaks to you.

A barren field, like the surface of Mars fills the screen. A faint, hollow sound of creepy wind is audible in the background.

A disembodied voice speaks, fatherly reassuring:

Reassuring, Fatherly Voice: Feeling depressed? Bored? Feel like life really isn't worth living anymore?

cut to a woman staring out the window on a rainy day. Drops fall against the panes and her face, with an expression of acute sadness, is tinged with blue light.

cut to the desert again. A tumbleweed rolls by.

Reassuring, Fatherly Voice:It happens to everybody sometimes. You need something to put the livelihood back in life. Psilocybin can help.

Jimi Hendrix guitar licks obliterate the lonesome wind sound. The earth shakes, and giant, vibrant, multi-colored mushrooms sprout from the ground. A smurf, dressed in the orange robes, like a Buddhist priest's, rides by on an elephant, waving at the audience. The desert sand shines. The sun disappears and is replaced by a moon and stars dancing in rhythm with Jimi's music. The sand is white. The mushrooms glow with the sand. A group of people walks through the mushroom forest. Their faces a picture of wonder and delight.

Reassuring, Fatherly Voice: Psilocybin will put the enjoyment back into your sorry, pitiful life. Remember. It doesn't get any better than this. At home, at the office- cut to man behind his desk, with wildly dilated eyes, holding up a paperweight and staring at it, fascinated. He turns to the camera and drops it.

Office Man:(crazed)What the hell!? Whose side are you on!?

Reassuring, Fatherly Voice:Yes. Your job may suck, but with psilocybin, you can live the life of an international super spy.

Another man comes into the office, looks at Office Man

Another Man:(concerned) You okay, Bob?

Office Man:(crazed) Who sent you!?

Another Man:Yeah. Okay Bob. Just be sure to have those reports by tomorrow.

Office Man: Don't tempt me! I'll destroy you. Evil fucks! I'll kill you all! FDHSK!

Reassuring, Fatherly Voice:That's right. Psilocybin, by Provasic. You can do it!

shot of the word "Psilocybin" with a big, wild party in the background and the word "Provasic" in smaller letters beneath it.

Side effects may include funky visuals, intense colors, paranoia, manic dancing, long trances, walks through the woods at night, dilated pupils, increased response to music composed in the 1960's, fascination with everyday objects and concepts, stomach ache, nausea, and, in very few cases, death.

Talk to your doctor about taking Psilocybin today!