Your First Gathering: A Noder's Guide to Meeting Other Noders
Or, Bring me my monocle. I want to look rich.
So I got sick of being neurotic and decided to fight back. No more refused invitations, no more cancelled plans. I was going to an partie and I was going to have fun, whether I liked it or not. They call Atlanta teh Hotlanta. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there.
1. Find yourself a near-by, nice, patient, and more meet-experienced noder than yourself. Like pitcher. That way you don't have to travel alone.
2. Promise to make them brownies. Do not wait until the last moment to make them, or you will be driving down Route 3 with a pan of hot brownies in your passenger seat.
3. Do not give directions that involve any Wal*Mart. Because there are very many. And they're all right off the highway. When you do finally meet at the McDonald's near that Wal*Mart, make sure the kitties stay in the car. Somehow My-butt escaped and tried to order cheeseburgers while the rest of us were barrelling down the interstate.
4. Eat gummy bears. Drink Pepsi One. Talk about everything. Stop in Metropolis for gas and/or cheesy souvenirs.
5. Sleep on someone's comfy couch. If a stranger wakes you up and invites you to go kayaking, YOU SAY NO.
6. Okay, go meet some noders. They'll all be playing video games and talking about stuff you probably don't know anything about, but smile and act like you're following every conversation at once. No, wait. Fuck that. Go find dann. Because not only will he be fun to talk to, but he gives excellent hugs and he's got the most interesting things to say.
7. Noders like to bring nice things. This one and that one gave me legos and a mouse! This one and that one gave me tattoos and stickers. This one made a mix cd for everyone and that one made a brilliant sign that said SHOW US YER TITS.
They also like to cook breakfast and bake fabulous treats including, but not limited to, big-ass cookies, brownies, and a bitchin' robot cake. All this and more, more full of deliciousness than a chicken fried twinkie wrapped in bacon with melted butter sauce for dippin'!
8. Giggle with ninjapenguin. Sing with jurph. Couch with Iconoplast and nocte. Chill with Scribe. Eat with cow of doom. Share a floor space with avalyn and 00100. Talk with NoahPierce, listen to spackle and WonkoDSane.
Stick your boobies into the mouth of the magical golden sockpuppet™. He will bring you riches beyond your wildest dreeeeeeeeeeeeams. Once will has felt you up nice and proper, meet everyone and feel like you've known them all your life.
9. Hug julia. Drink Pabst Blue Ribbon. If one doesn't make you drunk with happiness, the other will.
10. Have a good time, let yourself feel joy. They say you can never go home again, but I doubt that.
Can you believe they have these gathering things like, on a regular basis?
Thanks guys. I really needed that.