Let me tell you a little story...When I tried to kill myself, a couple days before the beginning of my freshmen year of high school, I very nearly succeeded. I landed myself in the cardiac intensive care unit for 3 days, prior to a week + in the psychiatric unit. Before I went into the psych ward, I called my best friend, Erica. She was so angry at me - she railed on about how selfish I was, how dare I do something so stupid that hurt so many people around me.
Erica and I had been so close - close enough that we could regularly complete each other's thoughts, often answer questions that were not yet given voice. She was so angry - so hurt because of my actions. She stopped talking to me entirely for several months, completely unable to bear being around me, because it hurt so much to see or talk to me after my incredibly stupid action. I tried to kill myself in August - Erica and I did not actually start talking again, as friends, until December.
I had been in intensive therapy constantly from the time I was in the hospital, and I was slowly healing. It wasn't until I evidenced that I was in fact healing and was no longer so depressed that Erica was able to heal enough from the pain I inflicted upon her that she could be around me again.
It took a long time for the wounds I inflicted upon her to heal. The thing is, I needed that time apart, as well. I couldn't heal the way I needed while I had the reminders around me of how I had been when I was still so sick. Only after I had healed a great deal could I handle having her around, any more than she could bear being around me. Yet, she and I are still good friends to this day.
I remember the months following my suicide attempt as very lonely ones. So many friends seemingly abandoned me - but it was what I needed. I could not have healed properly or completely if my friends had stayed close and told me everything was alright. Had they done so, I would have simply ignored the therapy and hid in my little "I'm alright - I'm not sick, I don't need help" bubble. I look back on it now, and realize they did not abandon me as I had thought - they simply told me what I did not want - yet desperately needed to hear - that I was sick and I needed help.
Thank you. Chris, Erica, Damien, Amanda, Tim, Dana - thank you for helping me, even when I did not want it. I will always be grateful.