The illusion of calm.

Just before the exams, a few days before THE BIG ONE. You know, the one your entire life hinges on, you wake up have a shower and walk around like normal people. Pretend like it isn't worrying you, and then you realize: It isn't. For some reason the fear is gone, like an echo of itself. I don't know why. It could be anything. The quiet calm of the Computer Lab, the averageness of the weather, it is wet and dull outside, the fact I had a really nice shower this morning and feel clean, the knowledge that things may be coming together? Or maybe not.

I just don't know. Somethings are out of my control, and in this case so are my emotions, thank God. I want to be scared, but my mind is clear. I am focused. I could write beautiful poetry for days. Came across someone I didn't like much today, looked at her talking to a group of people I knew, and then, well, I just walked past. Looking in my wallet for the student card I would need to get into the library. Wow. Cool. Ice. No tension at all. Normally I would be worried about what to say, what to do.

About being myself.

Maybe thats it. I feel like myself today. No mistakes so far, no really big issues about personal identity against the background of a universe gone mad. The world is ticking away nicely, and I seem to be on track. Wow. Am I enlightened? Could be. I doubt it though, and so should you.