Dad: I hope you don't think you're going out wearing that.

Kimmi: Dad, all the kids are wearing it!

Dad: I don't care, I will not have my daughter out in public looking like a cheap whore.

Kimmi: I am NOT a cheap whore. I hate when you call me that.

Kimmi: This cost me 37 dollars at Victor... I mean, The Gap.

Kimmi: Plus, you should see what Candi's wearing. I look like a fricking nun compared to her.

Dad: Hmm... that's a good idea. Maybe we should send you to a convent.

Kimmi: MOoooOM! Dad's at it again!

Kimmi: Listen, I'd love to chat about my parents' sexual inadequacies, but I've got to run. I need your car keys and $40

Kimmi: Be home by midnite, I promise.

Dad: Car's in the shop.


Kimmi: Mom..... can I borrow the *sigh* van?

Mom: (offstage) Ask your father, dear.

Kimmi: I'm running away and living with Katie!

Kimmi: storms out of the house

Dad: Katie... Katie... Didn't I see her at the strip club?

Dad: Leggy blonde, nice rack?

Kimmi: GRRRR!

Kimmi: flips open cell phone

Kimmi: Katie? Yeah, they're being stupid again. I hate my life. Can you pick me up?

Dad: calling out the door If you get pregnant, don't bother coming home! Your mother will kill you!

Kimmi: I don't care -- You always liked Barbie best.

Dad: Sheesh... kids these days. Can't even take a joke.

Kimmi: I'm getting this all down in my diary. You'll pay.

Dad: (yelling over TV) since when were you allergic to dairy?

Kimmi: (into the cell phone) Katie, get here quick. I'm losing it.

Dad: Don't forget your tampons! Oh, and your acne cream! It's that time of month again, isn't it?

Mom: (offstage) You two!

Kimmi: God. I hate you.

Kimmi: I so want to die right now.

Dad: Love you too, dear! Have a nice time!

Kimmi: (sotto voce) Mom, can you hear me? Dad's screwing the au pair!

Aionaever deserves most of the credit for this. Thanks, man. You are the funniest IM buddy EVAR.