You Are Not Good Enough.
“
YANGE.” I’m just “YANGE,” they tell me. Today was one of those days every person has, one of those kind of days where everyone rubs in your face your faults and wicked deeds. Well, I’m sure everyone loves to listen to me complain, but I guess that is what a public diary is most of the time. Normally when I post something emotional, a hardship, or an event someone else has gone through, I get a msg with shared grief. It is quite a helpful tool really. I’ve never had one of my daylogs get
C!’d, and I probably never will. So I’ll just continue on with my story.
Debate Teacher:
Last month you slept through the emergency session for Model United Nations (at 2am in the morning until 5am), showed up late for the meeting the following day, skipped a religious class today (even though it’s called Home Release), are not putting out enough effort, procrastinate most of your work, had PDA at the debate tournament and on the bus (pupils tattled), have your Sterling Scholar portfolio due in two weeks of which you haven’t seen the coordinator on (suggesting I haven’t even started - I haven’t done much), and YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH to be the Sterling Scholar that I thought you were/are. I fought for you, to make you the Sterling Scholar and not the others. There are five others who are willing to work for what you do not seem to care about.
My typical teenager response:
You know I want it. I need your help. I have no excuses, I just feel like I’ll never be good enough for your expectations. In the last two months (where all these problems occurred) I just don’t know what happened.
She didn’t exaggerate too much. The PDA I beg to differ on, but it’s “appearance” that counts. I’m having one of those moments where all I care about is my girlfriend, and loving her. I feel so much better about my life lately, and I don’t just want to say it’s because of caffeine from coke, pepsi, among other numerous caffeinated drinks I purchased lately. They say caffeine is an antidepressant. We were together the last two days for a long period of time, time we hadn’t been able to spend with each other. This time was so desired by us, time we needed so much, time we spent as if it had been years since we had seen each other - though our love flame had not burned out. I put on the screen name title of, “Love’s Bastille No More,” on my MSN. I meant love can no longer be imprisoned. No freaking, anyone, no nothing, will get in my way between her and me. Please protect our well being God.
I'm Just Me just created their user today. It was amazing to come on E2 tonight, coming from that awful debate experience, to see her post earlier in this thread. I read it and thought it sounded awfully familiar of someone I knew. I checked their home node, sure enough, it seems to be the person I thought it was (though I haven’t spoken to them or confirmed). The story she wrote on there was extremely touching to me, and it really struck a chord. Don’t be swift to judge, “Oh another teenager who thinks they are in love,” if you’re older, you may have once been in our shoes - whether or not you had to walk barefoot uphill both ways through ten miles of one foot deep snow. I just want to end on a positive note now - and I do so smiling. I shared an experience with my lover tonight through bitter cold and hindering prejudice, and it brought us closer together. Love Like Now.