Now just to get something out the water before we begin. I'm trying to break into the legal profession in England. This is not an easy thing to do. And regardless of what sort of lawyer you want to become, be it a sharp-suited City spiv who spends 17 hours a day helping other sharp-suited City spivs fight over the scraps of Iceland, Belarus, Qatar, or other countries that are being crunched by credit, or crusading for the rights of BDSM enthusiasts to only be cuffed and beaten by other BDSM enthusiasts and not by overzealous ticky-box mentality plodlings, one thing that just about everyone insists on in their recruits is this crazy little thing called "commercial awareness." And questions like this are apparently one way in which interviewers try to detect yours. In some firms at least. It's a bit like the infamous Oxford University interview in which the don asks you what you would be thinking if you were a crisp, or whatever.
Now, in this instance, your consideration is, for all intents and purposes, not having the best orgasm of your life, in return for $14,000,000.00. Now, would you do it? Well, there's more than just the intensity of orgasm to take into account here. There's also how much sex you expect to engage in for the rest of your life, the market price of things like the G-shot (if you're a woman), what handles your candle so to speak, and similar wider factors. But the thing is, you don't know whether God is being entirely truthful when He is saying that you will never sling your muck more explosively or brilliantly. Granted, He is omnipotent and omniscient, but who's to say He can't be fibbing? Well then.
So here's what I'd do - negotiate. See if I could get the orgasm in some sort of credit arrangement. I'd say that God should give me $14 million now, and I get to have the orgasm right now. However, I have to pay the money back to Him within 90 days unless I can have an equally mind-bending orgasm in that time, at which point God steps in and takes it off me, leaving me embarrassed and with the jester's shoes. If I fail to do either, he can foreclose on my penis and leave me irreparably impotent. Now why would I do this? Because I stand to gain from it regardless. Supposing He agreed to this and gave me the money on condition that I gave Him an ace orgasm. (Nile's song "Masturbating the War God" just took on a whole new meaning, but that's beside the point.) I then finish up, and the next morning I put all the money into a portfolio of fairly secure investments (or ring up a hedge fund and ask them to short someone's stock with my money, but that would give a whole new meaning to the phrase "putting your balls on the line" given the circumstances.) Even though it's only a 90 day credit term, the magnitude of the capital involved means that even if I only recoup less than one percent of the principal value after tax, that'll still be a nice meaty hundred grand or so I get paid in dividends, interest, and so forth. And that'll pay for many, many, romantic candlelit dinners, dirty weekends in Paris, flowers, and thus opportunities for me and my lady friend to knock some boots. If I do manage to engage in some equally rough, tough, and filthy sex in the interim, which results in an orgasm of equal or greater intensity, then that'll be a bonus - and since I never had the Brilliant Orgasm v1.2, then I would still have had the greatest orgasm of my life and be $14 million and spare change better off.
The only real weakness with this scheme that I can see is if my lady friend acrimoniously breaks up with me. Because then she might strip all the money out my portfolio and bugger off to Brazil with it. Then I'm left not only high and dry, but also broke as well.
Worse still, God might try to sue you, relying on the rule that a contract attempting to procure an immoral purpose is invalid. Though if that happened, I would argue that He wasn't procuring an immoral purpose, because orgasm in itself is not immoral so much as the ways in which one is generated. Since he didn't specify how one was generated, the purpose of the deal was not immoral.
If God refuses to accept my deal, then it's a no-brainer, I'd take the money and be left all hawk and no spit for that evening at least. After all, I'm only 23. There's at least seventy years left in me to have the perfect male orgasm at least once.
Whether you would do it, though, is still up to you.