May I just say non-British readers may not understand why some of these are funny due to the problem of language/
", and the fact we've all got used to understanding people on the who can't write that well thanks to the Internet.
, who like to keep a smile on the face of the average reader. I imagine some were made up and some were not. They're all supposed from the public to the local
In case you do want to try to understand some of the more specifically British quotes, I'll explain some slang words at the bottom of the this write-up. I personally think some of the below are
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole
in his back passage."
"The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing their balls on the
"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
"Could you please send someone round to help me with my knob, its very stiff, and can't be
used to open the door in that state"
"The toilet seat is blocked, where do I stand?."
"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is running away from the wall."
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in draws."
"I request permission to remove my draws in the kitchen."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
"Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done, as my wife is about to
become an expectant mother."
"I want some repairs doing to my cooler as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"My wife is pregnant, where can we put the baby?! we need room. //new paragraph//
Our dog kennel has been stolen!"
"My children cannot safely cross the road, because the green man is always flashing at us"
"My neighbour's cat keeps killing all my birds, I'm very lonely now, could you put a bell
"The toilet is blocked and we can't bath our children until it is cleared."
"The person next door now has a large erection in his garden which is unsightly and
"Could you please remove my massive knockers, as they're are a big inconvience, they're to
heavy and damage my front door"
(My favourite) - "Somebody stole my sunbed, I will not take that lying down"
"Will you please send somebody to mend our broken path, yesterday my wife tripped on it
and is now pregnant."
"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third so please
send someone to do something about it."
"Will you send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."
"My wife and I were expecting the councillor to come weeks ago, but he still hasn't come,
we're getting very fed-up, could you ask him if he has a problem with coming?"
"Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an oldage pensioner and need it
"I awoke this morning to find my water boiling."
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC2."
"Could you please send some one to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it
was very uncomfortable for both of us."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30am his cock
wakes me up, and it is getting too much."
"I would like to complain about the repair man, he was banging away in our bedroom for hours, but he still hasn't got any closer to filling up my wife's hole."
"I want to complain about the farm inspector, last time he visited he throughly abused my ass"
"This is to let you know that the builder went down to the pub at 2.00pm and still hasn't come round."
"Could you please help us, the door to the toliet is jammed, and we're getting desperate"
"Please could you send round a repair man, all our knobs are broken or falling off, my husband is getting embarrased everytime the neighbours visit."
"My mother hasn't been burgled since the police officer came to talk to her" -
You may have to read this one a couple of times to get it.