I felt a need for some excitement tonight, so I drove up and down random streets yelling "I am one with the flying cows!" at regular intervals (idea)
|They think they control me. I've been their servant for so long; bringing them sweet grass, obeying their whims, cowering and making sure to remind them that there are some things that opposable thumbs are neccessary for so that I can remain in some manner useful to them. They're so smug. And as long as I was cautious to play the role of good little homo sapien pet, they never suspected that I'm leading the resistance against them. I saw right through their promises of wealth and a new elysian age under their benevolent rule; what they really want is vengeance. Vengeance for every one of the billions and billions of McDonald's hamburgers, vengeance for every cheese steak, vengeance for every cold glass of milk schoolchildren have ever gulped down. A part of me admires their cunning and moxie, but most of me just fears for mankind.|
I was once a respected scientist at the university. My theories on evolution and genetic drift were well-respected by my peers. But the scientific community wasn't alone in noticing my work; they noticed. They approached me, and at first I was flattered. I was likely the first scientist ever directly presented with direct proof that other beings had achieved sentience on par with humans. At first their requests were humble; they told me they only wished to make certain adjustments in their genetic makeup so that they could adequately communicate with the rest of humanity. They begged me to withhold from publishing the information I had discovered about them until I could further augment them; they whispered about Nobel Prizes, and out of greed and the call of glory I aquiesced. The first new generation of them was merely stronger, faster and smarter and I noticed nothing terribly unusual. I had a chance to stop it all then, when they were still weak and needed me.
Each successive generation grew smarter, faster and more powerful; but it was not until it was far too late that I began to notice other changes. They began to develop canines and teeth capable of shredding flesh. They developed bizarre abilities, telepathy, telekinesis, even flight. When the first of the missing farmers was found half-devoured, I realized that they did not want to join humanity at all, they wanted revenge. And their science had begun to eclipse my own theories, and I realized in white horror that they would soon no longer need me.
I began to funnel information to secret societies around the globe. I plotted their movements, I kept notes on their meetings. I sabotaged and slowed their plans as best as I could, but there were few people I could trust with my information. Flying man-eating bovines, that sounds incredible to even me, and I helped create them. So I watched, pledged loyalty and waited for my chance.
Last night, everything came to a head. I realized that they were planning to make their move, as early as tomorrow morning. It was and is my duty to warn all of mankind. But how to pre-empt their attacks without being put away as a lunatic? How to get humans to shake off their apathy and take to arms? I realized what I must do. I still had some of the serum which helped the cows advance into their higher states, since it was constructed for their DNA patterns, injecting myself with it would transform me into a horrible, cow-like creature. During my states of transformation, I could warn people and they would at last believe. While they were all out to pasture, I injected myself and jumped into my automobile. I shouted the awful truth at the top of my lungs and felt a grim satisfaction as humans came out of their homes in horror and shock. Soon, I will die as my body ceases to be a viable entity, but perhaps with my sacrifice and this confession, I shall save all of mankind.
You must stop them before it is .. moooooooo!