I don't have any children, but if I did I'd probably not spank them. While negative conditioning with pain works as well on humans as on other animals, kids are very smart (being descended from us homo sapiens, duh) and amenable to many of the behavior influencing strategies mutual respect has us apply to adults. But they say you should node what you know, and child psychology is definitely not my field of expertise. Instead, I'd like to welcome you to the wonderfully wicked world of sensuous spanking among consenting adults:
A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight!
And after the spanking, the oral sex.
– from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974)
I'm just a gal like any other gal. I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking.
– Destiny Demeanor to Sgt. Jack Colt in National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 (1993)
Coffee without caffeine is like sex without the spanking.
–Trevor Hale as Cupid (1998)
Pain is so close to pleasure
–Queen, on their album A Kind of Magic (1986)
Some girls they like candy
And others they like to gripe
I'll settle for the back of your hand
Somewhere on my behind
Treat like I'm a bad girl
Even when I'm being good to you...
–Madonna, from the Dick Tracy soundtrack (1990)
Some people, tongue in cheek, say that spanking is much too good for kids and should be reserved for adults. Why are some people into spanking? As Queen puts it: Pain is so close to pleasure. Freud had a lot to say about this, and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch delves even deeper into the, ah, painful details. Modern medicine is adding some evidence based on PET scans of the brain. It seems that, in quite a few people, the deep brain circuits for pain, pleasure and sex are pretty closely interlinked.
More on an emotional level, spanking is about:
The
buttocks are such a powerful object of
sexual attraction they're the next best thing to a
sex organ. Some women and somewhat fewer men are able to achieve
orgasm from being spanked. Many people of both sexes find spankings to be sexually
arousing, and quite a few enjoy a light hand spanking as (part of) their
foreplay.
Of all the kinks practiced by people "into" BDSM, giving each other a red ass is perhaps the most "harmless" and easily the most socially acceptable, as evidenced by the quotes above. Spanking is so simple, anyone can do it. Equipment is optional – a bare bottom hand spanking is best for starters.
Advanced spanking
Spankos (as spankophiles sometimes call themselves) will often play-act scenarios leading up to the spanking, either because they associate certain situations with the spanking or because the spanko feels the need to justify the spanking. Some common scenarios are:
The first spanking (in a sexual context) is usually the most thrilling one for the spankee, and possibly for the spanker as well. Many spankees actually hate being spanked while it happens, but derive a lot of (sexual) excitement from the fear of the pain. To try to re-capture the thrill, spankophiles (who sometimes refer to themselves as spankos) will often work to achieve ever stronger stimuli by resorting to more "serious" equipment. Some popular implements are:
These
instruments are listed (roughly) in order of increasing severity.
Your Mileage May Vary.
After a while of being "punished" especially with the more severe instruments, some spankees experience an endorphin high which they refer to as "flying". Endorphins, produced by the body as a natural defense mechanism against pain, block much of the pain from the spanking but put the spankee into a state of great excitement where he/she will feel like prolonging the spanking indefinitely. It's a lot like runner's high. It's a good idea for the spanker to stop before too much physical harm is done. An intensive spanking will leave bruises (called weals or sometimes stripes) which may make sitting down painful for a week or two. A severe spanking (or misuse of a spanking implement) will break the skin and draw blood. For all but the most hardcore perverts, this is the signal to end a scene or to proceed with something different, and to apply some disinfectant and/or band-aids.
On the other hand, it's possible that spankee is hurting so badly (perhaps still approaching their endorphin high) that they can't hold still. If they really want to be taken beyond this point, it makes sense to bring in some restraints. Some rope (clothesline, in a pinch) can be used to tie the spankee down over a bed or easy chair. Hardcore spanking enthusiasts will prefer a "proper" spanking bench or horse to provide solid support and good positioning. Some exercise benches can be made to serve. Leather wrist and ankle cuffs with velcro fasteners and mountaineering-style snap-on hooks are a lot more convenient than rope. Stocks are another alternative. If the spankee is thus immobilized, a safeword should be negotiated which the spanker must respect and which will terminate a session of the spankee feels they're really, really beyond their limits.
Spanking Away from Home
Lacking an understanding and willing partner (or any partner at all, for that matter), spankophiles can get outside help to satisfy their craving. Apart from personal ads, There are BDSM clubs, societies, meets, munches etc. in most countries. Most can be found on the Internet or in the pages of magazines in adult bookstores. There are even organizations, though smaller and fewer, that specialize in spankings. If you feel you're too socially challenged to join a friendly and helpful bunch of people with the same kink, there's always professional help. Most of the professionals are female; some refer to themselves as a dominatrix but many customers find this hard to pronounce so they've gone back to a simple "Madam" or "Madame". Note that, though professional, these ladies are usually not prostitutes, and this is generally recognized by the law: There are many US states where prostitution is illegal but domination studios and their clientele have no legal problems. A side effect of this is that husbands availing themselves of services there can/will stay technically faithful to their wives: a real domme will get you worked up but she won't have sex with you. For the actively inclined spanker, some studios feature attractive young female "slaves" who, for an exorbitant fee, will endure a spanking. The squeamish or timid also have the option of watching "Madame" punish her "slave" without having to take a hand in the punishment. Lastly, while professional dommes are mostly female (or they'd be called doms), they will usually happily cater to the needs of women as well as men.
If you've got no one to be faithful to, and you insist on sex with your spanking, and you're not worried about the legality of prostitution, then you can also talk most hookers into hitting you with something, or perhaps even taking a little spanking from you. Then, when you're all steamed up, you can jump on their bones. But I don't recommend this – you'll be disappointed. Spanking is an art that takes practice, and you're more likely to get exactly what you want/need in a specialized studio.
Conclusion
If you find yourself strangely attracted to spanking, RELAX! You're not the only one. It's a fairly common kink, mild as sexual variations go, and borderline socially acceptable. In "polite" company, I sometimes make little joking remarks about my girlfriend spanking me, or vice versa. Most people think I'm joking, and those who aren't sure dare not ask. We find this quite amusing, yea titillating. While we don't go for daily ritual beatings, we find spanking an enjoyable way to spice up our sex life. So... break it to your partner really gently that you're fascinated by his/her tush and would love to give it a bit of slapping, or that you've had this long standing fantasy of being spanked like a little boy/girl by a handsome man/beautiful woman. If he/she doesn't run away screaming, congrats on a successful start and... enjoy!
Gotta go – I forgot to take out the garbage, and you know what that means!
See also