It's amazing how depression
affects people. Good things make me feel sad. I feel rejected
, even though I have many friends and a wonderful sweetheart
. It's not that they don't like me, and I know that... Is it that I don't believe them? Do I think they have ulterior motives
and just pretend
to like me? And why do good things make me sad? A smile, for instance, a smile
can make me sad
. Do I perceive the context
wrong? I don't think
so... yet, it still makes me sad. Granted, this doesn't mean EVERY smile makes me sad. It just... happens. Or, when I'm in a depressed mood
makes me sadder. I'll end up moping
. People will ask me what's wrong, and I won't have a straight answer
. At those points... things that are normal become horribly depressing. Taking the same example- a smile- it's great (not taken in the context of the smile that made me sad), but... no one can smile forever
. So, someone smiles at me and then stops. THAT will strike me down
and set me into a horrible depression.
What's really funny... is that I don't consider myself depressed. These things just happen. More often than not. And I have to accept
it. I want to overcome
it. I just... don't know what to do
Why does this happen to people? Why does it happen to me?
*sigh* Now I'm depressed again...
is a temporary fix
for everything. I wish I could have it all the time.
And I'm afraid again... I'm so afraid.