Nobody liked my original writeup. I realized that's because nobody is my absolute best friend for life.

Nobody loves everything about me.
Nobody thinks I'm perfect.
Nobody can appreciate me for who I really am.
Nobody treats me with all the dignity I think I deserve.
Nobody is always there for me.
Nobody listens to everything I have to say.
Nobody will always stick around, no matter what.
Nobody cares about every last trivial little detail of my life.

If I ever feel lonely, I take comfort in the fact that at least I have nobody to keep me company.