Written for the Everything Quest: the PC Bible
Slightly altering the angel... angle
1:1 And Jesus met with Judas Iscariot
, one of the twelve, outside the Garden of Gethsemane
1:2 And Jesus said unto him, Of you I will ask the greatest sacrifice
. You have said you would follow me till the end of all times.
1:3 Master, I will, said Judas. What can I do you for?
1:4 Jesus said to Judas, You must deliver me into the hands of the oppressors. Only then will the injustice being done, be seen of all the world.
1:5 And Judas fell to his knees. Master, do not ask this of me, he cried. My street cred
will go totally down the drain. Any sacrifice but this.
1:6 But Jesus only smiled sadly, and did not relent.
1:7 And Judas went unto the chief priests, and said unto them, um, what will ye give me, and I will deliver him unto you? And they covenanted
with him for thirty pieces of silver.
2:1 In the evening Judas went to eat with Jesus and the disciples
. Jesus said unto him, in the Garden of Gethsemane tonight shall I wait for thee.
2:2 To the disciples Jesus then said, Verily I say unto you, one of you shall betray me.
2:3 And he said, The Son of Man goes as it is written on him; but woe unto the man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed!
2:4 Then Judas said, Master, is it I? And he said, Thou hast said...
2:5 But Jesus hastily took bread and wine, and the disciples ate and drank. But Judas was silent.
3:1 And it came to pass, when Jesus had gone into the Garden of Gethsemane, Judas went with a multitude of priests and guards
to the garden, and his heart was heavy.
3:2 The Master stood upon the hill in the garden, and Judas went to him and kissed him, and said, Hail Master
. And Jesus looked upon him and saw his sorrow, and he winked to him with one eye.
3:4 And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus
, and took him.
The morning after
4:1 And Judas went to the priests for his thirty silver pieces
. And he went to the disciples, but they scorned him.
4:2 And Judas said unto them, the Master bade me do it
, and the disciples said unto Judas, yeah yeah, whatever. And Judas said, fine, be that way
4:3 And Judas went, and stood and listened to the priests and the elders. And he knew then that it had all gone pear shaped
, and they would kill Jesus
5:1 And Judas went to the temple with his silver pieces and said unto the priests, Verily I screwed up
, the deal is off. And the priests said unto him, what of it?
5:2 Judas threw the silver onto the temple floor and walked away. And so downcast was he
, that he went and hanged himself.
5:3 And the priests took the silver from the temple floor, and bought real estate with it, and lo! a tradition was begun. But Judas was pwnt
I have not read the 'Gospel according to Judas', so any similarities between that and my text is pretty much coincidental. Similarities between my text and the text in Matthew 26 and 27 is right on the spot, though.