I enjoy sneezing. I really do. As a child my mother
frequently found me sticking pencils up my nose to trigger a sneeze. I don't publicly admit it, but this practice has continued into my late adolescence
. I try to cover it up by pretending I'm doing something more respectable, like snorting speed
. Or perhaps not, that last bit was a big lie
It's important to distinguish between the illness
sneeze and the stimulated sneeze. The former is usually incredibly messy, painful and tends to make my lips crack and bleed
. The latter is strangely invigorating
, and leaves you feeling refreshed and happy.
Don't just take my word for it, try it. Bend a paperclip
and poke around up there until you hit the trigger. Or use a biro. It's a low-cost
I'm going to hell, aren't I?