I sold out my kid for thirteen bucks
Guilt is a normal part of human nature. I wonder at my decisions sometimes. Did I make the right choice? Would I do it again?
My son, the one who disappeared Friday, had a performance Saturday. He was one of the chosen few percussionists for the valley's honor's band. All along he was telling me that his concert was on the 6th. I checked my work schedule and saw I was off. (not considering it odd for a concert on a Tuesday)
Friday, when he finally appeared with tickets in hand for the concert, he told us he had been wrong. The concert was Saturday! AHHHHHHH! I was scheduled to work!
I called my boss to see if I could swap shifts, but she wouldn't even try. "No, come in as scheduled, you didn't tell me early enough".
I was angry. I was in tears throwing a two year old like temper tantrum because I wasn't getting my way. It was more than that. I was still in the grip of all those horrible feelings I had when he was missing. I didn't go to the concert. I went to work. I was more concerned about being fired. From what? A temporary job that barely pays minimum wage? If I had left two hours early I could have attended.
What made me angry with my boss at the time, was that I wanted to do something for my child. Granted it was last minute, but she calls me last minute on a regular basis to cover for someone else who doesn't give a rat's ass about showing up for work. I expected the same consideration. What made me angry was the fact she wouldn't even try. She couldn't be bothered.
What made me angry, was that I didn't insist, that I didn't place my child first. I made a decision that I should not have. I will never see my child play with this group again. It was a one shot deal. One night only. He forgave me, but I don't forgive myself.
I sold out my kid for thirteen bucks!
That thirteen bucks will go to buying a copy of the CD made during the evening so I can hear my child play whenever I want. It will be a reminder of how I made the wrong decision.