About a week ago I discovered the existence of
my three half-brothers - two (R and T) from my dad's previous
marriage (which ended when he left to be with my mother) and D, born
some years before them in a different situation. A few days
later, I went to the memorial service, where I expected to meet R and
T. Oddly, I haven't actually talked face-to-face with my dad, or
any of my immediate family, about the whole situation, which just
goes to show how good we've got at avoiding such
awkward emotional subjects, a skill I found myself putting to
good use at the service yesterday.
It was an enormous gathering, bringing hundreds together, often from
very far afield. Sitting in the church amid various cousins, many of
whom I hadn't seen in years, I heard two unfamiliar people
referring to my father as dad. Inevitably, they were right in front
of me, which made for a nervous few minutes. I tentatively identified them as R and T, T being the younger of the
two.
After the service, I spent some time casually
staking out R and T. I suspect they were doing the same to me and my siblings. It seemed they knew my cousins and
various other relatives. I had assumed they associated mainly with
their mother's side, hence my not meeting them before. While this
suggested a familial conspiracy against me on an
impressive scale, it did at least mean I wouldn't have to meet them
alone, and if they did hate me reflexively they couldn't be too
rude in front of others. As it turned out, they were both charming
and friendly (CON-sanguine, one might say). "Nice to
meet you" was all we said of our meeting, which seemed to me rather inadequate to
describe our long absence from each others' lives. I have no idea
when it was they learned of my existence, of course. I was
fairly quick to excuse myself in case my presence was
fuelling well-hidden resentment.
As it turned out, D was there as well. Despite a considerable age
difference, we immediately got on well, and I got the feeling the
situation was not entirely unfamiliar to him. It was certainly
interesting to meet my new brothers, and I hope to get to know them better if at all possible, though 20 years of
enforced estrangement isn't exactly going to disappear overnight.
NOTE: Some details have been changed to protect the identity of myself and others.