Once upon a tarm there was a loader rings what got gave to a load of elves an' that. Now, as it 'appened, there was another ring what was med by the Dark Lord Sauron or summat. "One Ring fer ter rule 'em all!" All the elves and that fell to its power and so Sauron was like rulin' the 'erl werld. Then there was a war or summat, and Sauron was kickin' their 'eads in, but Isildur or whatever 'is name was chopped off Sauron's 'and an' killed 'im. Isildur kept the ring fer 'isself an' that, but 'ee got jumped on by a ler of orcs an' that.
Marls later, everyone 'ad forgot about the ring, but a creature called Gollum found it. Then an 'obbit called Bilber Baggins nicked it off 'im an' that.
Fifty years later, Bilber 'ad a party or summat, and 'ee disappeared an' everyone was surprised 'cos 'ee'd gone forever. But 'ee give 'is 'ouse and the ring ter 'is nephew Frerder.
Then a wizard called Gandalf or summa come an' terled Frerder that 'ee 'ad ter tek the ring ter Bree 'cos summer Sauron's chaps was after 'im. Ser off 'ee went wi' Sam an' Pippin an' Merry.
In the meantarm, Gandalf went ter see 'is mate Sarrerman, 'oo ternd out ter be 'orrible, an' 'ee kept Gandalf at the top of 'is tower. But Gandalf escaped on 'is big eagle an' that. When Frerder and them lot got ter Bree, they met some chap called Strarder, 'oo terned out ter be called Aragorn really. 'Ee tuk 'em ter Rivendell, where the elves an' that was livin'. Gandalf an' Bilber was there an' all, an' ser was a lerder dwarves an' other chaps.
As it 'appened, the ring 'ad ter be destroyed, ser narn of 'em went ter get rid of it - the 4 'obbits, an elf called Legless, a dwarf called Gimli, some chap called Borrermeeyer and Gandalf and Aragorn.
Ferst they went up a mountain, but they 'ad ter come back down agen, cos Sarrerman med it sner real bad. Ser thee went through the marns an' that. Now, as it 'appened, all the dwarves in the marns 'ad got killed by goblins an' that, but the narn of 'em went through anyway. They 'ad a lerder fights with orcs an' a cave troll an' that.
Then a balrog come. 'Ee was massive. 'Ee chased em onto a bridge. Gandalf wunt let the balrog past, an' 'ee knocked 'im off the bridge. But the stchoopid bugger fell off 'isself!
They all crard a bit cos Gandalf was dead, but then they went to see another lerd of elves. On of 'em was a witch, an' she trard ter mek Frerder go off by 'isself, an' she trard ter mek Borrermeeyer nick the ring off Frerder.
The next day, they all went. Borrermeeyer trard to nick the ring off Frerder. Then a lerder new orcs come an' they 'ad a big fight an' that. Borrermeeyer got killed an' that, an' Frerder went off by 'isself, but Sam follerd 'im. Merry an' Pippin got took ter Sarryman's 'ouse. Legless, Gimli an' Aragorn went off in a diffrent darection. An' that was that.