Early morning. The sharp blaring of my alarm clock sounds and I jolt sharply out of bed, only to fall back into its nourishing comfort and doze off once more. Again the devilish sound erupts and with a brisk swipe of my hand, I annihilate the snooze button and all of its bastardly components. Score one for the home team, bitch. With as much grace as I could muster, I rolled out of bed, landing on the supposedly soft, carpeted floor, only to find a hard, discarded drumstick ready for the jabbing. I winced in pain as I rolled off the drumstick and sat up.
Sunlight shined through my window, a sign that today was going to be a good day. I stood up and stretched, embracing the warm sunlight that was seeping into my room. With a mighty heave of the lungs, I yawned and exited my bedroom, leaving the welcoming bed behind. "It'll still be here tonight.. and we will sleep.. yes.. we will..", I quietly reassured myself.
The coldness of hardwood greeted me as I descended the stairs, and of course the usual housecat was there, hunting down its favorite prey, my feet. I cursed as I realized that I forgot to put on socks to protect myself against this cunning foe. I approached the bottom step with caution, watching the cat take its position, ready to spring into attack at any moment. My body tensed and I lowered my stance, preparing myself to leap out of harm's way. Then it came. I narrowly evaded the swipe of the pussy's claw. "That's the only chance you're getting", I thought, as I jumped off the bottom step and ran into the nearby bathroom.
I closed the door behind, making sure the cat could not follow. With a sigh of relief, I walked toward the shower stall and turned on the water. I ran my hand through the running water, making sure the temperature was correct. With a nod of approval, I stripped off my shorts and climbed in. I know what most of you are expecting right now, so I am going to just cut this shower part out. Perverts, all of you.
Minutes later, I was finished showering and was now onto shaving. The room was a little steamy, so I cracked open the bathroom door to let a little cooler air in. This I soon found out to be a big mistake.
I opened the mirror cupboard and pulled out my shaver and shaving cream. Quickly, I applied the shaving cream to my face and went to the usual business of shaving. This task must be precise, and if not done correctly, will lead to irritation and bleeding. Kids, don't do razors.
Suddenly, I felt the rubbing of hair against my leg. I looked down to see the cat cuddling my feet. "What exactly do you think you're doing?", I asked, not really expecting an answer. The cat ignored me, so I thought no more of the subject and continued to shave.
You must realize that, when I shave, I leave the faucet running, so when I hear running water I just think it is the faucet. Wouldn't you? Also, when I feel water on my feet, I just think the sink is full and overflowing. Well, let's move on. I suddenly felt water pouring onto my feet, which I'm sure you've come to a conclusion already.
I looked down, suspecting the sink to be overflowing a bit, but what I found was not exactly that. There was the cat, in all her wonderful joy, pissing on my feet. I was stunned. I was mad. I was every emotion you could think of(except love and happiness of course). I was so stunned, it seemed as if someone pointed a remote at me and pushed "slow".
Gallons and gallons of cat piss poured onto my feet as I watched. Finally, my wits returned and I jumped out of the way of the stream of cat piss, shaving razor in hand. It was an almost instant reaction as I kicked the cat in front of me, sending it flying against the lower sink cupboard. "What the fuck!", I almost yelled, as the cat retreated out the bathroom door. There I was, standing there, in front of a puddle of piss, shaving razor in hand. "Why me..", I mumbled.
There. End of story. I won't go into details of the clean up, since I don't think you really care. Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have kicked the cat.. but you have it piss on you and see how you feel.
Based on a true story