I love you like synonyms are like many other things.
My heart and this hypozeugma to you I give.
I miss you like an overlooked coordinating conjunction.
And the mis-spelling of phoux paz.
I want you like Amphibrachys want; to step in Iambic.
Without you my haiku ends with "Hepaticocholangiocholecystenterostomies".
I love you even though you probably won’t find this all that funny,
But how else should one express love for a poet?












On the reasons why this should remain part of the database as its rep slowly descends toward, and in all likelihood beneath, zero.

Firstly I would like to say that it is not a serious poem. I do not believe that poetry has to be serious or even say anything important. See Serengeti for another example of this ethos. That said, poems should be well written and have a solid grounding concept that can be revealed through careful study. This does.

In the presiding poem I was assuming a persona other than my own. In effect it was not me writing the poem. I am not in love with a poet and I would never normally try to get Hepaticocholangiocholecystenterostomies in a haiku (or indeed any poem). The assumed narrator however would. He (or she but I envisioned a he) is someone who has learned all about poetry – perhaps in an attempt to impress his beloved, but does not know how to write poetry. This is explained in the last line, “But how else should one express love for a poet”

However it is not enough just to write a “bad” poem to make a point. I have put clues in the poem to relate to an observant reader that I took time to carefully craft it.

For example the first part of the line "I want you like Amphibrachys want;" is written in amphibrachys, (one of the most difficult metrical forms) whereas after the semicolon it falls into iambic rhythm. “to step in Iambic.”

You can not do this accidentally.

The poem is effectively about breaking the rules of poetry while showing that I am aware of those rules. However I am not just breaking the rules for the sake of it, by breaking the rules I reinforce the characters and the situation in the poem.

The writer is aware that his writing needs the poetic touch. It is as much as a call for assistance as it is for love. (Is that not what all the most enduring relationships consist of?) Taking a step away from a literal interpretation of the situation you can even conceive that the assumed narrator is writing a love poem to poetry itself. Perhaps even the classical anthropomorphic muse of poetry.

On a more intellectual note you could even consider it an oblique criticism of the traditional processes of poetic interpretation and assessment, which I am ironically using to justify the same poem here. The idea that learning about poetry – particularly the names for rhythms and obscure grammatical constructions – with only the purpose of criticising poetry is futile and foolish.

I feel that within 8 lines you genuinely get an idea of the personality writing the poem and the personality of the person it is intended to be read by. And its funny.