Welcome to the wonderful world of node controversy! Before embarking on reading this node, please be aware of a few things:

1. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect your opinion or the E2 majority's opinion.
2. The statistics included are estimates; not established scientific facts.
3. This node was not meant to be trolling, but I can see where it could be construed as such. It was written in response to the people who seek therapeutic advice for no good reason other than going through puberty; not people with established mental illnesses.
4. Try argumenting instead of insulting blindly.

And now, without further ado, we bring you:

Suicide and the idiots that pretend

Warning: This node presumes you at least have some rudimentary knowledge in the field of human psychology and suicide. If not, I advise you to seek enlightenment on various other pages - not only the plethora of knowledge contained within the database of e2, but also documents contained on various webpages and newsgroups (alt.suicide.holiday immediately springs to mind), as well as various informative leaflets at your local therapists office.

1. Stuff the warning signs

The most often thing I see when viewing so-called "anti-suicide" folders or "suicide-prevention" leaflets is the "warning signs". This is an absolutely laughable attempt by the brain-retardant frauds of the psychological field to attempt a simplified and easy categorization of the mentally ill - and, more importantly, those pretending to be mentally ill - through over-simplified generalizations.

The easiest identifiable example is the "don't take threats or mentions of suicide lightly; they are mostly always conducive of the subject's subconscious desire to snuff him/herself". Well, I think I'll join the game and attempt a simplified easy categorization of this quote: utter bullshit. A person who randomly spouts inane, half-hearted threats of suicide is not looking for a way to snuff themselves. They're looking for a way to draw attention to themselves. There's a number of reason for these, which can be easily categorized in an easily categorized, over-simplified manner such as this:

• They've been listening to one too many Staind/Nine Inch Nails records and actually take the lyrics seriously. You'd think this sounds shallow, but think of all the teen suicides currently plaguing the nations of the world and re-evaluate.
• They can't actively wrap their brains around doing something productive for the sake of society and use the constant propaganda bombardment of the popular media to justify their lazy-ass attitude towards non-productiveness for the sake of eventually propelling down a hopeless spiral of stupidity. These people, when you think about it, deserve suicide.
• They don't see a point in contributing to a society that continuously fucks them over, belittles them, and then expects them to do something productive for them in exchange for what amounts to little more than fuck all. These people usually have a better objective view of how the universe works, but are constantly put down and subjected to ridicule by people who instantly categorizes them as cynical in an easy and over-simplified manner.
• They follow the leads of friends, relatives or rock-stars who themselves have fallen victim to any of the points mentioned above, thusly displaying no free will or mind of their own and consequently deserve all the misery they get.

2. The cries of the pathetic

This section deals with the situation of actually having to deal with a person who may be spouting suicidal tendencies. If they're flat out threatening suicide, they automatically default squarely in the examples above and would, in any rational society, make you wonder why euthenasia is a criminal offense. And I mean this sarcastically. (I affectionally call this my "Pity the Pathetic" program.)

As I've tried to explain above, most cries for suicide are not really a conscious attempt to convey a desire to snuff it. 99% of the time, they are the result of an incapacity to properly convey the desire to break free of an unhappy situation by any drastic means necessary. This does not, however, necessarily mean actual suicide. More likely, it is the result of egotistical, selfish people who feel they're not being rewarded enough attention to fuel their egos and thusly feel the need to draw attention to themselves.

The obvious solution would be active counselling, followed by intensive expansion of their lacking vocabularies.

In the event that people who display this behavior actually are actively considering suicide, you're probably already too late to help them. In fact, they might already be dead as you're reading this.

3. The select few

It is a common misconception in the majority of society-housebroken people that suicide is a condemnable sin. Or, in the very least, a very naughty thing to do. This, in my opinion, is a very shallow and narrow-minded opinion. Note that the following is merely my opinion and may not necessarily be reflective of the general opinion of the populace of e2. (Someone ought to node that.) Additionally, I am fully aware of the "avoid highly subjective writeups" rule of e2, but I also believe in the diversity of opinions contrary the conform opinions of the majority; hence the reason why I'm actually noding this in the first place.

Suicide, as a rule of thumb, is mostly the cause of one of the reasons mentioned above. This is not merely a shot-in-the-dark estimate. Through extensive research of various suicide prevention centers, the ASH newsgroup and several close friends of mine, it has gradually moved beyond personal observation and into the realm of accepted fact. Should anyone, despite my research, object to this conclusion, I welcome any corrections.

Bottom line: 99% of suicidal people are, by default, people who are inadequate in expressing their true emotions.

Many of these people succeed in actually committing suicide. (The other 1% have perfectly legitimate reasons, such as incurable health reasons, the loss or abandonment of one's entire social circle, or the realization of facing a pointless existence - which, I guess, qualifies just about every human being on the planet. This leads to the further - and, might I add, very disturbing - postulate that we all should be very suicidal, but 99% of us are just too busy tending to our shallow, hungry egos to be taking any notice.)

However, if someone is really at the end of their rope, is it wrong to deprive them of their desire to take their life? Is it not, by all humane standards, even more cruel to try and change their point of view and force them to continue what they believe to be a shallow and pointless existence?

I have seen people being prescribed mind altering drugs, conveniently labelled Prozac and Zoloft to avoid any negative commercial connotations, and suddenly feel better about themselves. Is this the result of altering a cerebral chemical to enhance your pleasure center, or is it merely the result of a steady diet of conformity propaganda peppered with a socially-approved drug addiction? You tell me.

If people want to kill themselves because they're too idiotic to see through their own bullshit, they deserve every help they need. Teenage angst by default does not qualify. If, on the other hand, you have carefully considered all the options and still see no reason to continue, I dare raise the point that denying his/her wish to end their life is not merely wrong, but inhumane and immoral.

4. A simple test

To help you in the struggle of reaching this nirvana of self-loathing, I present you with a simple test to decide whether you're really suicidal or just faking it for the sake of your pitiful ego:

1. Do you consider yourself worthless? Do you feel like you're living a hollow, empty existence?
2. Do you have any talents you feel might actually make a difference to the world?
3. Do you feel loved or appreciated by your friends, parents or social acquaintances?

To help you grade your questions, here are some immediate points to consider in answering these questions honestly:

1. In the grand, cosmic scale of things? Yes, you probably are. If you feel this is sufficient reason to kill yourself, then you probably should. However, you might be missing a glaringly obvious flaw in your logic, such as the remaining two questions.
2. If you have any sort of academic virtue, any negative answer to this will most likely prove to be false. Society is not constructed to be beneficial to those with talents that cannot be easily categorized; it was designed for people who can do math well. If you have high academic scores, you can go anywhere. Trust me.
3. Most suicidal people will answer no, because they feel this helps them achieve their egotistical goal. They are often horribly wrong and only end up causing more grief than relief to their surroundings by snuffing themselves. For further enlightenment on this particular issue, please see the extraordinarily well-written and damn fucking hilarious fictional writeup, "My Fascinatingly Detailed Teen Angst Bullshit Log".

5. Post script

Not only should you not node drunk, you should also preferably avoid any sort of philosophical pondering. Especially at five in the morning.

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An update for those of you still keeping track: No, I'm not retracting my statements. Crudely formulated as they are, they still represent my opinions, and like them or not, there they are for public display. Deal with it.

Although writeup doesn't mean reply, here's one for McMe's otherwise brilliant analogy: Yes, you've proven your point. Now imagine a world where putting the hand over your mouth and nose isn't bad. Where ending your life isn't the horrifyingly "immoral" act that you - and the rest of your ilk - perceive it to be. Yes, try it. Oh, you can't? Well, come back when you can.