Fanatical AOL User (person)

--That AOL is the safest place for kids anywhere, especially because you can 'turn off Internet'.

--That you should never use any of those weird things like Earthlink because you only get double-u double-u double-u and e-mail, you have to type those annoying @ symbols all the time when e-mailing, and because you don't know who you're calling when you connect.

--That you should never let Instant Messenger users talk to you, because your computer could get hacked.

--That Java is a Starbucks Coffee subsidiary.

--That chat rooms are a great way to meet your future husband/wife.

--That web servers are what herbivores eat.

--And that Microsoft Outlook is a date book program.