It's official; more votes have been cast for
this than during the last season of
Pop Idol.
E2 has decided to go with option (Drum roll, if you please)
6
Enjoy.
Worst day in the history of bad days.
I'm going to be court marshalled. At the moment I am still part of the official
investigation.
(Well I'm being
interrogated at the
crime scene.)
'We would love to hear how this little
mishap came about Wilson.'
Smirked Commander Pierce.
'Remind me; is being a total prick considered
conduct unbecoming?' I fired back.
Maybe I've spent too much time undercover.
Barry once said '
the's nay pont stoopin' if tha johnnys split; yuse as well hav sum fun afor goin’a the clinic'.
However whenever Barry whispered that in my ear, he meant it literally.
I didn't see Barry much after we hacked Gordon love's mansion. I was supposed to be watching him but for all I knew he was
harmless; I was using Barry to get to the bigger boys. Barry was on the
periphery of an organisation known as R.B.B.R.:
Rule Britannia, Britannia Rules, or "rubber" for short.
(That cheeky little
nickname we gave them will become the new
synonym for
terror as soon as the
press conference is over.)
Then Barry came in one night when I was asleep and sat on the edge of the bed.
A wus tryna kep yu adavit but we need y elp
What's goin on? Do y kno the bleedin' time! Focks sake Barry! I said, only just remembering to put on the accent.
dinna y use'a ave a job in computers? My ears picked up, this could be a way into R.B.B.R.
'
Aye am retired ofa tha payoot from wean microso bough IBM'
Dna be so fockin' daft;
A need somon canny wi computers rt noo.
Git up an come wi mi.
I showed off a bit that night. Maybe that's how they fingered me as
MI5. The hack was easy with my training.
Barry had broken into the country
estate of
Graham Love, (It was a gift from the Queens portfolio after we couldn't pay him for the ID cards.) Barry told me that he presumed two things. Firstly that the drinking ban would be legislated through the ID cards and secondly that Graham Love would have left a backdoor in the system he helped to design. He was right both times; the ID card’s computer system was Swiss cheese.
'Am in'
'Fockin brilliant!' Barry shoved my seat aside.
'Donna git too excited yu canna change nothin' I canna access tha
content editor tuls'.
'
'Wut dy thiny were ere fo? Lemmie put this ini'
God knows where he got
Gordon Browns ID card number from.
'After the Olympics were bombed I was on this think-tank; Professors and everything. Nobody came up with shit like this'. I don't think I've ever seenCommander Pierce impressed before.
'It too simple, that’s why.' He ignored my assessment of the idea.
'Once you get past the body-bags you can really appreciate the genius; come and have a look at this.'
Every TV station in the world has the pictures. Hi Mum, Hi Dad. The major news networks are still crowding behind the gates, but
Downing Street is closed off. The
BBC had the bright idea of using a remote controlled blimp, (quite a
publicity coup for
Harrods). The BBC’s pictures tell the whole
story:
10 Downing Street is rubble.
As we walked around to
Horse guards parade, Special Opps were raiding Barry's house in
Glasgow. I know they'll find
trajectory calculations, my
fingerprints and an inventory of Gordon Brown's weekly appointment times. They won't however find a copy of the
Anarchist's Cookbook.
Original ideas don't come from manuals.
'So this is because of the drinking ban?'
'That's what he told me.' I still had the recording of him on I-pod. 'He did love his booze'
'
They say 80% of violent crime is alcohol related.' Pierce laughed at his own joke. I didn't. The white flatbed truck was swarming with forensics.
'Let me fill you in on some terminology,' Pierce strode around to the back of the truck and pointed inside. '
Trebuchet: a large wooden catapult used in mediaeval warfare, capable of throwing a four ton block of concrete 400 yards or more.'
I know; I was in the cabin when it fired.' I felt the marks the handcuffs made on my wrists
'Now if you look here, this is what I really love about this, It adds a certain class to the operation: do you notice anything missing'
There is a hole in the ground where part of the blockade used to be.
The four ton block of concrete that killed the entire
cabinet this morning was the same one that was supposed to keep the terrorists out.
Barry is going to be fucking famous.
Osama didnt have Barry's sence of irony.
Goodbye Wordmongers' masque! (see you next year?)
(Please)