Its inevitable. Even if you don't actually own a dog, sooner or later you'll encounter one puking. Its really something to behold; on one hand disgusting, on the other hand an art form; a truly amazing force of nature. Well, its certainly more disgusting than an art form, but still.

First a dog will wander around for a second, and you'll likely think nothing of it. Sometimes dogs wander. Big deal. What will make you look up from your newspaper or node, however, is the series of strange noises accompanied by full body motions that come next. Low, hollow sounds rise up from deep within the dog's body, repeating 4 or 5 times. With each sound, the dog's stomach rolls forward in a curling wave. Her back is completely straight, her head held up and looking forward. She is almost paralyzed, unable to do anything about what is to come.

At this point you know the dog is about to puke and are likely paralized as well. You are overcome with a frantic urge to throw the dog outside or at least move her from the carpeted living room to the hard tile kitchen floor in anticipation of the puke. At the same time, you recognize that there is probably not enough time to do either of those things so you helplessly watch the ordeal as it unfolds before you.

After the 4 or 5 stomach jerks and resounding, indescribable sounds the dog makes, she suddenly lowers her head and opens her mouth. This act is accompanied by the most disgusting gagging noise you can imagine, far more gross and animated than even my roommate Louie's loud hacks in the morning after drinking a whole bottle of cuervo the night before.

With that one deafening barfy noise and motion, the entire contents of the animal's stomach are expelled and laid out on the floor almost delicately. Soft, spongy chunks of dogfood blended with broken sticks, bits of eggshell, strands of grass, the other dogs' hair, mangled rawhide and whatever else ailed her, all wrapped up in a neat little package.

As the dog hangs her head and guiltily meanders away, the smell is already starting to diffuse throughout the room towards you. You are slightly compelled to go after the dog and console her, but are too busy crinkling your nose, staring at the puke in disgust, watching the liquidy perimeter of it begin to soak into the rug.

Now, do you go clean it up now, or finish one last node before dealing with it?

Log in or registerto write something here or to contact authors.