Don't act like you're not secretly terrified of this. It's one of those things that doesn't happen every day, but when it does that little swarm of anxiety is unmistakable. Anyone who's ever done the "walk of shame" knows what this is. No, not that one. The one where you're at work and you have to march your happy ass through the sea of cubicles holding up the plunger like the Olympic torch. But at least there you can always blame it on that fat bastard Rich in IT.

Unfortunately this event doesn't always happen in a place where you conveniently have your very own morbidly obese guy to take the heat. The worst occurrence of WYFTTBNGD has to be when it happens at someone else's house.

Picture this if you will. You're at a friend's house. It could be a small get-together with a few friends, which would actually make the whole debacle even more interesting. You've probably been drinking, and if you haven't yet made your best friend hate you forever by spilling Smirnoff on his new laptop, you surely will with what you're about to do in his bathroom. So you're there with your friends doing your thing when nature calls. You find the bathroom, go, flush, and all is right with the world once again.

Except the contents of the toilet are just sitting there, swirling like an unholy tilt-a-whirl powered by despair and broken dreams. When it's clear that nothing is going down like it should, you flush again. Instead of banishing the contents of the bowl to the land of wind and ghosts, the water level rises.

"Shit," you think (and see, as it rises almost as if to spite you). You feel impending doom bearing down on you as the water creeps ominously higher, and relax a bit when it stops just short of the top of the bowl.

"Okay, okay...maybe this won't be so bad. Maybe if I just jiggle the handle like so..."

Unfortunately Archimedes' principle holds more sway than the power of positive thinking, and water has already begun to spill through the little gap between the lip of the bowl and the toilet seat, all over the floor, your shoes, and the fuzzy bath mat. Thankfully the incriminating flotsam remains in the bowl, but it's also not doing you much good staying there either, as sooner or later someone else will come in the bathroom and see it and share in your current dilemma, or give you shit (hahaaaaa...) for breaking the toilet. Speaking of, you've been in the bathroom for a pretty long time by now. Your friends are probably all wondering what the hell the problem is. You think you hear footsteps in the hallway.

Clearly it's time for real action. A quick scan of the room yields no sign of a plunger anywhere, which brings you to reflect on a little aside that no decent person should ever have to ponder: why in hell would anyone NOT own a plunger? And if they do own one, why would it not be, you know, IN THE FREAKING BATHROOM? Then there's the matter of the mess on the floor. There are no paper towels either. What kind of asshole not only doesn't have a plunger, but also doesn't keep paper towels in the bathroom?

Now is not the time for philosophical questions. Someone is indeed in the hallway, knocking on the door. "Just a minute," you call out. There is no more time for second thoughts. You slam down the handle in panic, breaking it. The toilet almost seems to be mocking you at this point, the contents of the bowl twirling in a lazy spiral but clearly with no intention of ending your misery by shuffling off this mortal coil and down the drain. That's when the door opens.

Ah, awkward silences. There are several kinds, all different in subtle ways. The "getting walked in on while in the can" awkward silence is actually probably nonexistent. You walk in on someone, immediately apologize, both parties are startled for a split second, everyone moves on. Only in this scenario you are standing with shit water sloshed on your shoes and pant legs with a broken toilet handle in hand. This is not a textbook awkward situation. It might even warrant its own awkward silence designation, maybe even one named after you. So...

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD DO IN THIS SITUATION.

Your answer may depend on a number of circumstances. If the person walking in is the owner of the house, and since at this point your luck couldn't possibly get any worse it probably is, you can try to bluff your way through. "It was like that when I got here" has been the mantra for assholes who don't like to pay for the shit they broke since time immemorial. If you don't actually want to be said asshole you can say you were in the middle of trying to fix it, all the while jamming the irreparably busted handle feebly back onto its sad little stump. If your friends share your sense of humour, you can always bust out the "a wizard did it" excuse.

Or, you know, if your friends are human you can say "Dude, broke the toilet. My bad." and resume drinking with your buddies. But hey, that takes a lot of effort.

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