These are my rules for surviving high school. They might not work for you, like if you go to a private school, or you don't live in the USA. However, I think these will generally ring true for at least most of the people.

  1. Take what you can, while you still can: it's a dog eat dog world out there, and don't expect anyone to do you any favors. If you aren't willing to step on a few heads to get what you want, don't expect to get what you want. No one will show you any such courtesy, so you have no reason to show it to them.
  2. Employ the vernacular: Yeah, seriously. The easiest way to get people to push you around and snicker at you is to talk like some stuffy intellectual. No matter how smart you THINK you are, talk normal. Or you'll regret it.
  3. Don't take shit personally: No matter where you go, or what you do, someone will give you a hard time. Just for fun, or just because they're an asshole. Don't let it get to you. Shrug it off. Laugh at yourself. Fight back. But don't act all hurt and upset, that'll ONLY make it worse.
  4. Don't let your schooling interfere with your education: As Mark Twain said. The lessons you learn in high school are mostly learned outside of class. Slack off as much as possible. Learn what you can and can't get away with. The time otherwise spent on homework that you can now use for other things is well worth the 2 or 3 points you'll lose from your grade. Don't just fail your classes, though. Figure out which teachers don't care about homework, and which ones do. Only do what you need to get As. (or Bs, or whatever you can manage). So much of the high school cirriculum is bullshit. Don't let it drag you down.
  5. Find friends and keep them: Find people you can depend on, most of the time. Don't go hang out with whoever sells weed the cheapest. If you're suddenly in your junior year and realize that you have no one to turn to when you're in a jam, you'll be sorry.
  6. Don't be an asshole: Well, you actually can get away with being an asshole. But I don't recommend it, and certainly don't be one across the board, or you'll find it is quite difficult to get a girlfriend (or boyfriend, but I find girls are generally not such blatant assholes - it's more a passive-agressive thing for them.)
  7. Don't bitch when you get ostracized for being an "extreme individual": If you want to pierce your tongue, do your hair in huge spikes, or wear "Hello my name is Satan" stickers, go right ahead. But don't expect people not to snicker at you and make fun of you behind your back. Don't complain, because you knew the consequences beforehand. No one wants to hear your bitching.
  8. Do something: Don't just go home and node all day after school. You'll get increasingly bored and frusterated. Play a sport, join the play, write for the newspaper, do debate, whatever. Part of surviving high school is avoiding the inevitable boredom that will be forced on you. So, in the absence of a girlfriend who wants to get it on a dozen times a day, you'll need something else to occupy your time.
  9. Understand that high school doesn't mean fuck-all in the scheme of things: If you totally screw up high school, who the hell cares, in four years it's all over and you start fresh. The only people whose lives are determined by the end of high school are not the sort of people who would be reading E2. So I can safely exclude them. YOU will be going to a nice, cooshy university far, far from where you grew up. YOU will get a clean slate. Don't drop out or commit suicide over what happens in high school. You're just screwing yourself over because of something that is a meaningless waste of four years. Never lose sight of that.

    And finally...

  10. Never, ever drop the deuce in a high school bathroom: I ain't even gotta explain this one. In fact, you'd do well to avoid the bathrooms at school altogether. 'nuff said.

I hope this gives people some epiphany and perspective on high school. If the above list seems a tad harsh, all I can say is that my life in high school has itself been nothing short of harsh. I'm sure many would correlate their own experience. Downvote me if you must, but this is what I've found to be the truth. Obviously, all of the above is my own original writing. Feel free to /msg me with comments or additions.

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