Skulking Permit

August 16, 2204 -

Planet New Delaware...

After 200 years without contact with Imperial Earth, an inspector is sent to check the quality of the colony. The people of New Delaware, which is only one village, hurry to make sure everything is up to Earth standards.

The thing is, New Delaware is a simple, peaceful place. No crime, nothing goes wrong. Utopia.

So the new general--

"I'm not a general, I'm the mayor!"
"Well, you're in charge, aren't you?"
"Well, yeah."
"Then you're the general!"

-- appoints Tom Fisher to be the town criminal.

"I don't see why there has to be a criminal!"
"That's a very important part of earth society. All the books say so, Tom. The criminal is as important as the postman or the police chief. He works against society. If you don't have people working against society how can you have people working for it?"

So the mayor/general issues Tom a skulking permit (just to make it legal):

Know all men that this presents that 
Tom Fisher is a duly-authorized thief 
and murderer.  He is hereby required 
to skulk is dismal alleys, haunt 
places of low refute, and to break 
the law.

Tom steals a lot of stuff, but lets his friends borrow their stuff back when they need it. The mayor keeps pressing Tom into getting his murder out of the way, but the thought makes him sick.

The inspector's crew arrives, but they're only looking for cannon fodder. Tom keeps skulking, worrying about his murder, and finally decides to kill the mayor.

"No wait, you can't kill me."

So Tom finally decides to kill the inspector, but chickens out. The inspector flips out and sends a squad to capture him, but the inspector's advisor realizes that recruiting from a planet of men that can't kill might not be the brightest idea.