The veins in my wrists mock me today. They just… sit… there, I suppose, and distract me when I try to do important things. For example:

I was at an officers’ meeting for NAHS during seminar today, and we were discussing which art gallery we’ll visit next. I was thinking perhaps someplace in Saugatuck, and when someone asked me which one, I opened my mouth to answer; but instead of naming a gallery, my eyes were pulled to my wrist of their own accord and I said, against my will, “I have blue veins in my wrist.” Right. You can imagine how smart that sounded coming out of my mouth when I was supposed to be leading a meeting. I guess that’s what I get for being so frickin’ pale – all those veins normally hidden beneath pigmented skin are clearly visible to any casual eye when glancing towards me. I wish my melanin knew how to be fashionable. Or maybe it just thinks I’m living back in the 19th century when pale was in.

Moving on. I had a huge French test. No big deal. It was mostly grammar stuff, which is usually no problem. So that was no trouble. Walking to class was miserable – it was drizzling, cold, and extremely gloomy outside today. Went over to Stacy’s house afterwards. We are practicing a dance routine for the homecoming competition. So far we have about 25 people in our group, and we’re leaning towards using the “I Will Survive” Song. I want to use a baseball bat to beat up one of the guys during the routine, and almost half the girls thought it would be a good idea. Stacy’s little brother even went in the garage and found a big metal bat covered with dust. I offered to try it out on any volunteers, but no one seemed to interested. I was sad. I wouldn’t have hurt them.

I have not had a nap in two days. Perhaps it’s time I took one now. Wish me luck.

Only one sleep to go to The Big Vacation. I've spent the day so far running all around organising all my stuff.

My plane leaves Canberra at 8 in the morning, and by dinnertime I'll be slurping soba in Osaka.

Then onto the New Dream Bus at midnight for an overnighter to glorious Tokyo and breakfast in Shinjuku.

Arvind helped me set up a webcam for the apartment in Nakano Chuo, and a couple of everythingians helped test it last night -- seems to be working fine, although the colour quality from this little USB Kritter leaves a lot to be desired. Maybe I just have to play with the colour balance -- hope so.

Still to do this pm: colour hair, cook Gemma a nice curry, pack suitcase, and take Gemma out to a nice dinner at 7pm.

Next daylog from Osaka!

No, still no computer yet.

I was amazed to find today logging on that September 18, 2000 (which explains my first paragraph) had a rep of 16! The most any of my real writeups has got was 5 (for Cybertown)! Boy, is Everything weird or what?

Yesterday, I was delighted to discover that Dilbert was back on Channel 10. It was on hiatus for about a year, which was a shame because it's pretty funny (not as funny as the comic strip, but still funny). Taped it and watched it a few times. Yes, some good TV shows have come back on (including Farscape and Stargate SG1).

Hmm.. tomorrow. I have a feeling that I'll get my new computer tomorrow.

prev September 21, 2000 next

running New Zealand Standard Time, GMT +12, so i get my days before the rest of you slackers…

After spending too many hours noding the Librarians of Congress last night I slept in this morning. Got to varsity and had sufficient caffeine to quieten the howling inside, not silence mind you, i needed to work, just quieten.

noded a little, ate, drank caffeine, noded a little and am about to leave for dancing…

Every morning I take six pills. You see, I am sick, and these pills help fight the symptoms of my disease, which is very severe. It is not something I am proud of. It is a weakness, and I like to carry out my daily actions from a position of strength. I hate weakness.

Stupidly, I didn't keep tabs on my prescriptions, and I used my last pills yesterday morning. My parents are scambling around 250 miles from here, trying to get my prescriptions renewed and sent to me before some of the progress of these last months is lost. And I have made a lot of progress, thanks in no small part to the wonderful people I have met through this site. Ideally, I will one day soon be able to lead a normal life without pharmaceutical intervention. But I am not yet there. I do not rely on the drugs, but they are an invaluable assistant that helps me smile, helps me laugh, and helps me be the person I used to be -- only now I'm wiser and a little more experienced with this thing they call life.

Well, it's been just Uberfetus for almost 48 hours now. I'm feeling a bit frayed; some pieces of the puzzle don't fit so easily anymore. It hasn't been the best 48 hours of my life.

I learned that my best friend is in a world of mental anguish beyond even what I have experienced. He cuts himself, cries all day, and sees mental health professionals almost as much as he goes to class. He's been diagnosed as depressed, unipolar, and suicidal. His doctors also suspect schizophrenia and he will be undergoing tests in the coming days. On top of this, one of his close friends is *also* suicidal due to a situation involving coming to grips with homosexuality, molestation and pedophilia -- too complicated to get into here. My best friend has to let go of that situation in order to save himself, and that brings him guilt.

I too feel guilt, because I haven't been able to be there for my friend, and I'm the only person he seems to be able to communicate with anymore. I've been very busy since I returned to Cornell, and of course I have my own serious problems, of which you may or may not be aware. The world I once knew is near-death, and I have to choose between saving it and saving myself. I HATE THIS.

Oh, also, my roommate got banned from E2.

I hate it and love it when there’s nothing to be said:
I’ve seen so many movies and they fill the spaces in my head where my own ideas should be. I get really excited when I see a good film, it sustains me, it keeps me alive. My tears are for the people in the movies, and they feel as real as my own tears. I so often feel that I’m living a substitute life, a temporary life. I tell myself I can leave it until tomorrow to piece it together. And I can, which is a comfort.

I examine my life as if I’m watching a film. That’s why I fell for that certain someone, I think. To me she was one of those characters in the movies with the intelligent, angry, cynical exterior - y’know the ones, who really inside are “beautiful people”. I guess I was always looking for the angel inside of her, and I loved this imaginary inner person more than her. But what is the proof that imaginings are any less substantial than reality?

My own simulated realities, my movies, it’s all the same. I am an escapist who is too scared to leave.

Home sick today. Watching the Olympic Games on the TV. Womens beach volleyball, Brasil vs Portugal.

Got my visa, so now I have to pack my stuff. Hmm... I guess that's a good thing, but it's such a mess now. Maybe I shlud clean the apartment ? I might find some lost things...

11:08

Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead? Has this Phenomenon Truly Ended? =) I don't know what to say...

Life is interesting...

I stink. Time for a shower...

11:52

In case I'll soon get that CD burner, I already set the mkisofs settings:

PREP=Weyfour WWWWolf <wwwwolf@iki.fi> <URL: http://www.iki.fi/wwwwolf/ >
PUBL=International Brotherhood of Banana Benders, Inc.

13:04

Looks like the university machines finally have got an update to Helix GNOME...

15:45

Noded about a few more tracts... Time for /. and K5!

18:52

OK, so read the news, read the mail, sent a long-waited mail reply to a friend of mine, and checked out the new stuff that the university workstation had.

XMMS! Grip! Gnapster! Way to go... =)

Oh yeah, a Pi Moment of the Day:

You have 3 cools left today.
You have 14 votes left today.

=)

19:39

OK, I have some information about Why My Firewall Sucks: looks like Ethereal found three packets (SYN, RST, SYN) lying around from the corner - but nothing actually interesting that would look like a Successful Connection To Port 80. Congrats to me for a job well done, my Apache is probably pretty secure now - no one can connect to it =(

20:33

Liveice + speakfreely = cool stuff for Internet radio, call to a live program? =)

(You can freely apply that idea. You owe me nothing.)


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today by y.t.: This Was Your Life Somebody Loves Me SpeakFreely bumpmap

I woke up today with a headache and a nosebleed. This was because I turned around in bed and banged my head against the wall, nose first. Fortunately, it stopped bleeding pretty fast, but my headache stayed for another hour.

I took the morning off from work, because I had an appointment with my boss, who I see only a few times a year. The appointment was at 11:00AM. Unfortunately, my car wouldn't start very well so I had to drive way too fast to be on time. Still, I was there 5 minutes early. The bastard showed up 20 minutes late, so all my rushing proved pointless. We had lunch, talked a bit, and that was it basically. Then on the way to work, my car still had some troubles. I definately need to have it checked up soon.

I got to work, sweating, because it was bloody hot in my car. I'm 10 minutes late. If anyone complains, fuck 'm... It's bloody hot here at work too, and I probably have nothing to do again all day. Which in this case, comes at a good moment since I'm not really in the mood to do anything. And now I just found out they stole my phone. I won't argue with the girl next to me who did it, since she's nice and pretty good looking (Madelon, if you read this, and I know you will, don't get jealous. She's not as good looking as you. Love ya..).

I'll probably get home not too late, so I finally can have some time to relax. I wish it was Saturday already. Hmm no, I'll be gone all Saturday too. But at least then I'll be doing something I really like. Better yet, I wish it was the Saturday after that. Then I finally see her again....

Looking back at yesterday, it wasn't a completely wasted day. The meeting was ok, I met some interesting people, had a good chat with some of them, and we ate pancakes. I got home late, talked to a few more people on irc (including her...), and went to bed at 1 AM.

back | days | front

Posted with mozilla

13:25 BST

I stopped halfway through noding something, because it was about you. I have decided that it is wrong to use you for noding material, so my mushyness will reside in these daylogs. I'm still ill, my head has gone from cotton wool to sawdust and goo. icky goo at that. :( Is it hypocrisy not to node about you, but instead put it in daylogs?

Our Boundaries

I don't want to come to terms with the distance between us. We're separated by distance and time; it almost seems as though something keeps throwing up barriers between us. Well, I don't accept them. I want to move our boundaries closer together, regardless of practicality. But everyone is supposed to be practical; there is no scope for dreaming in this boring world.

2 Dreamers

That's us. I think that we are more comfortable with our fantasy; we want things to be perfect and dreamy. As such, we are suited to attaching a larger significance to this than others may do. (not that I think that is a bad thing, I love dreamyness)

Wax and Wane

We're both frustrated by things. I want you to know that I am happy, contented with the ups and downs, frustrations and giggling, fantasies and coming down to earth with a bump. I'll be there for you, for as long as you want.

My safety blanket of confusion

I have a confession. I think I am hiding behind confusion, using it to give me space, give me time whilst I try (and fail, mostly) to "deal" with the feelings that keep washing over me.

15:55 BST

Amazon just recommended:

wtf? I have only ever bought electronica so the first four recommendations make sense. Precisely which part of the recommendation programme says if $user buys(electronica) then recommend("The Corrs")?

...Here...There...

8:55 AM EST - The call of the morning

I must avoid Burger King more often.

Don't misunderstand me; The honorable Burger King serves up some mighty fine breakfast material. You can't go wrong with a couple Crossanwhiches to start the day. (Crossanwich is not hardlinked because I'm not sure where they stick the damn apostrophe) But I can tell you this: It costs far less to maintain the family toaster than travel to Burger King when it comes to breakfast.

Now it's off to economics. I'm feeling better than recent, and now I'm loaded with peanut butter covered toast. I'm ready to go. There go the cuckoo clocks... Let's get on the road. ("Let's", in this case, meaning me)

5:47 PM EST - How not to handle math modelling

Well, this is ducky. Or goosey. Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for. Geese are more violent, evil creatures than ducks.

I just realized that, concerning my math modelling class (Which I've been mistaking as Calc all this time), I should be doing THAT homework, despite the fact it's never turned in, rather than homework that SHOULD be turned in. Funny how that works, huh? The stuff that the respective professors CARE about is less important than the stuff that's only RECOMMENDED. I'll have to work on math modelling more and catch the hell up...

i am so tired. i haven't slept much this week. i've kinda given up on trying. i leave on saturday for my mom's house -- i'll try to get some sleep there. meanwhile i feel like the walking dead. awful heartburn and an overactive mind are keeping me awake at night. the heartburn is exceedingly uncomfortable. and even though i am physically exhausted, my mind doesn't seem to want to rest.

so like. yeah. i have my coffee. i'm at work. i checked the first-aid kit for crack to get me going but no luck. i gotta depend on the coffee.

it's windy and cold. and today is the first day of fall. how depressing. the warm weather has come and gone far too quickly for my liking. this entire year has gone by too quickly for my liking. it's been a good year, all things considered.

more later...

later

i can't believe how tired i am. but i am at home, and it is before dark -- a first for this week. i don't know what to do now. so much time to kill at home. a lot of the reason i've been working late is to avoid this empty time. the time between the i-just-got-home chores, and bedtime (heh, bedtime -- a funny concept given as little sleep as i've had lately).

so here's my tentative plan. drink some chocolate milk, smoke a cigarette, call the man. then we'll see what happens. hopefully i'll hit submit and just magically fall into a deep sleep. wish me luck.
17:12

Well, My plans for the trip to Tokyo are practically destroyed.
I should've seen this coming a mile away, though. I tried to be very negative with my estimation of the next 8 months' salary. But once again, the company has gleefully kicked me in the nuts.
There are two possibilities: either I live like a monk for the following year in order to save the needed $$$, or just forget the whole damn trip and spend the miniscule pay on everyday stuff. The latter would of course be the obvious choice. Why live like a broke person for a year just to spend a week or two somewhere else as a tourist? It's insane, right?
Still, I'd like to give it a shot. My vital living expenses are almost non-existent (the single good thing about living with parents), and do I really need any extra crap to make the state of my bedroom worse?
This is something I need to think about. A short experience with memories that last a lifetime, or a year of convenience and spending?

I signed my first NDA today. Damn, this restricts my power to complain about my crummy job, or at least forces me to be less specific in my whinings. Not that a low-level worked like myself would even have access to secrets that could damage my employer. Especially since I'm moving to work in the kitchen starting tomorrow. It's a long story. No, they didn't put me there to wash the dishes.

While having lunch at a local pizza/kebab place with some coworkers, I overheard a conversation between two guys sitting in the next table, looking like they came straight out of the Wannabe-Tough-Guy-Catalogue™. One of them kept complaining about the people in the social security office treating him like a bum instead of "just giving him his fucking money". When he started voicing his observations about how the guys in the next table (typical lukio students) looked like "a bunch of faggots", I decided to turn my attention elsewhere.
People like this make me feel so stupid for complaining about my poor wages etc. At least I am doing something worthwhile, instead of loitering around, looking like a criminal and calling everybody not dressed up like a neo-nazi a faggot.
Sheesh.

Wait a minute.. What am I still doing here? Gotta get out of the (otherwise empty) office to meet my friend.


Today's Writeups
Favorite Everything Quotes | Yamaha CS-30 | Yamaha CS-30L

Nodekeeping
Finland Metanode | Yamaha

This morning, there is a report from Skyler, acting chief feline of house security. The K9 squad detected an intrusion around 3aM and sounded the alarm. They attempted to engage the felonious raccoons in the foyer, but were held back by their human actuator while the masked bandits fled via the basement stairs. He gave me a request that the K9s be outfitted with spiked collars. He also pointed out the cracked canister of cat fud and noted that he had taken the liberty to begin cleaning it up.

I get into work at 7:25aM. From then until 8:40aM I hear no one else. Standing next to the coffee machine, I listen carefully, but to no avail. I am abandoned. Walking back to my cubicle, I arrive at three conclusions:

  1. there was a bomb scare and they forgot to warn me;
  2. there was a horrible BART and highway accident that I narrowly avoided;
  3. when I got my haircut last night I accidentally slipped into a parallel dimension.
I'll stick it out for a couple more hours, mostly to figure out if I am so lucky as to like my job in this alternate reality.

Around 9:45aM, colleagues begin to trickle in. (Distraction: Notice the compound verb that causes the preposition at the end of the sentence, but what am I going to say "to in trickle"? if some militant grammarian could advise, I would appreciate it.) It seems that they are privy to some inside joke at my expense, as I get the very same surprised start, then a mumbled salutation that includes a meaningless but pleasant compliment about my appearance from each one. I nearly believe that the hatchet-man has an appointment with me, later, at Wintersweet's prompting, I recall my new haircut.

Met Ouroboros yesterday, at Little Hunan. He had Sesame Chicken, my SO and I had twice-cooked pork and something else. Except we started eating before Ouro got there, because I didn't actually think he'd show up. (Yep, it's true.) He did, though; I glanced up to see him a couple feet from our table. (Ya sneak!) So guess what, he's another one of the Surprisingly Cute Geeks of E2. (music geek, mind.) We had a good chat/meal despite my general muddleheadedness and sniffly-coughing noises. Ouroboros is someone I haven't chatted with on E2 all that much, and I didn't know much about him. There's not all that much you can learn in 45 minutes of dinner, but he seems quite intriguing. I meant to ask him how he came across E2, but didn't get around to it. Next time. ^_^ Ouro may consider himself invited to the Halloween party if it doesn't sound too dull for him.

Now the important part: the fortune cookies! Little Hunan's fortunes have Chinese characters on one side and English on the other. And before you ask, yes, they mean pretty much the same things.
- My boyfriend's: You are very expressive in word, act and feeling. (Well, he's a CS grad student who scored higher on the Verbal portion of the GRE than the rest, so...sure.)
- Mine: You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. (Um...probably not, especially with my brain-fog-induced klutziness and sniffling. *wince*)
- Ouroboros': Saving the best for last. You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. Heehee! Enough said.

Anyway, I had a good time and I hope Ouroboros did. That makes two E2ers I've met now, not counting people I knew before E2 who are here. dwyn is the other one. I'm very pleased to have met both of them. They're both cool guys I would have been happy to have a conversation with had e2 never entered into it. I highly recommended seizing any chance to meet your fellow noders.

Let me tell you something about DMan. I'm no psychologist, but my mother is. And I'm pretty certain that she'd tell you DMan has some real problems. He says he's not that angry in "real life." Let me tell you something about E2: It IS real life. Anything you produce from your consciousness came from within you. It didn't spring full-grown from the aether. There's some kind of anger, despair and (yes) near-clinical paranoia residing in DMan. I hope someone does something about it before it's too late. Keep that stuff hidden long enough and you turn into James Kelly.
Testing Tuesday went okay. The doctor pointed out some results in my testing from March 27th that showed me I need to find someone to sit down and go over the results with me. From what I read from the result led me to think most results were in the average range, but the doctor Tuesday said my reading comprehension was in the master's range and vocabulary in the doctorate range. I don't understand why no one has bothered to tell me these results in a conference of some sort and I'm angry, because it's been more time wasted as we go further in debt while I struggle to get a job!

Yesterday was the arraignment resulting from the attack from the pitbull. I called Animal Control and the County Prosecutor's Office to find out when and where, but to no avail since I don't know the owner's name. I only have the first name and phone number of a friend of his. I had been suspicious that one of the men who live or visit the house where the dog lives had been trying to intimindate me by driving by slowly in a white car with boomboxes blaring all the while staring me down. I told my husband and he drove me by the house showing me I had the cars confused. There was indeed a white car at the house, but not the one I had seen, so I let it go as silly worry over a traumatic event. Last night I drove by the house which is on the way to a nearby Cricle K and there was the car parked at the house. Now that I am sure,I wrote down the plate numbers. The County Prosecutor's Office said I would be notified by mail as to the results of the arraignment.

I feel pretty secure and so far as I know the driver of this car hasn't found me on my new route, but then I haven't been paying a whole lot of attention. It was just a matter of seeing the car out of the corner of my eye when I drove by yesterday that caught my attention as I had truly forgotten the whole matter.

I am raising two sons and a husband:

Number Two Son's math teacher called my husband and told him it was a pleasure to have him in class and is the highest scorer in his Algebra 3-4 class. His Global Studies teacher called the following night to tell my husband that she was pleased to have him in her class as well. So we are Proud as Peacocks of him!

Husband has been muttering around the house about some article he read somewhere about a family of four boys and a father who play catch with 'loaded diapers' Even I would never do such a thing! he declares in the midst of a belching competion with the boys...

Number One Son is expecting C's his first quarter at the University of Arizona. He's also switched jobs from the library to the recreation center where he officiates as a referee at the University's intramural football games. In the interim he was begged to take a position at the Stewart Observatory for a second time. I asked him why he refused the job?

..... he worried he would run into 'that Carlos guy' and that he didn't like the idea of "someone scaring people by running around in a trenchcoat."
I'm considering printing up a copy of my The Guide to Field Indentifications of BaronCarlos, sans my authorship and anonymously, (of course!) tucking it into his backpack on his way out the door to school one morning....

Have a nice day dear and work on those grades! *kotc*

(WHO is this imp that makes me do such things!)

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. --Matthew 11: 29-30 (KJV)

When I stagger under life's burden, Christ offers me companionship and rest.

Devotion

Dear daylog, today was a strange day, but then again, isn't every.

It started out boring, college force-feeding me information about things like history that I really don't care about. However, life is as boring as you make it, so I took a liberty of reallocating these lost hours of my life; for one, my TI-89-gameplaying (especially one called queue, it contains coolest versions of tetris and especially quadra) both in- and out-lessons is getting out of control. The people who might claim to know me are saying that it's not healthy to spend so much time sitting on stairs playing it (what should I do then, sit on coaches and talk shit like them?), or even suggesting it's fine treatment for over-intelligence (it was unclear what that had to do with me). Nevertheless, it killed time off pretty jollily (I need to cut on use of that word).

When english lesson started, my personal schedule had moved to mathematics (it's strange, I do maths on every lesson except on maths lesson where I just play games). That I actually managed to prove that cos (1/2)x=sqrt((1+cos x)/2) was quite exhilirating. Similar proof for cos (1/3)x was underway when I ran out of time. Approximately at this point I realized the strangest thing; apparently my silver ring (a thing around your finger) has developed a free will at some point. A while ago, I noticed my finger had developed a rash where the ring was. Because of this, I decided I'd move it to the only other proper finger, left middle finger (from right middle finger; strange how problematic the choice of finger can be... index finger is too fat, so-called ring finger is reserved for something I certainly am not and little finger is too thin). At the same time, I decided this was to symbolize the "new me" (one free of certain social habits, if not even blocks or restrictions). However, the ring kept moving into my right finger. I'm not sure how, on some occassions I have no memory of moving it but I still find it from my right hand. Damnit, it's there again! This must symbolize my resistance for change. There, it's now in left finger.

Last night someone broke into my car, smashed up the dashboard and made off with the radio, my very beautiful hiking boots and a couple of other things. Bastards. You cost me yet another day of police stations and telephone calls and pointless expense and wasted time... I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of having a new reason to feel afraid shoved into my face each day. It was spring and beautiful and hot and I couldn't work and I couldn't go walking and my PC crashed on me losing a bunch of stuff I'd been too dumb to save yet, and all in all it would have been better to stay in bed... but E2 was interesting, traumas and all. Dangerous.

I got up a 7:00 am today. I hate the morning.

I had to hand in my first essay and do my first test for my new English teacher. The test was on essay analysis. We read 'A Trip Abroad' by Lewis Thomas from 'The Arch of Experience'The essay was horribly written. It stated out talking about how a poet and scientist really the same thing. Then the author talks about his home farming village being paved over and becoming industrialized. Then he goes on to how we are killing are environment.

After class me and some of my friends asked her what she thought the thesis was because we all got different answers. First of all the question asked for an exact quote she just gave us an over view. She said she thought the thesis was that the author wanted us to stop looking without for answers and look with in.

After leaving the class (ie out of her ear shot). Well all talk about how we had no idea ware she got that her thesis from. I later talk to about 10 people from the class. Not one person got the same thesis as her.

It should be interesting to see how we all do.

I learned today the study abroad dean I had gone to see to resolve a few of my problems with my applications is totally useless. She essentially looked up my grades on the computer, saw that I had a high enough GPA to go abroad and suggested a few different universities I could take a look at for a third choice (I need three to go abroad). She also suggested the study abroad fair happenening tomorrow, so I suppose it wasn't a total waste.

The Middle Ages class today was really quite interesting and has been for the past few lectures. The professor has stated that he's working up to a large lecture on the Crusades and once he mentions it, its very obvious that subconsciously, that's where it was going anyway. Starting back with the Church reform movement and how that brought a different sort of Pope into the papacy then moving over to the fall of the Byzantine empire. One can see how he's setting up for one of the major events of the period we're studying. He's really a very cool professor.

Had another Spanish quiz today that I didn't even know about, but again, I didn't have to study, it wasn't so hard. I'm thinking maybe I should be in a higher class, but I really don't mind not having to do a lot of work for one of my classes. : )
Tonight my project is to stay off everything for long enough to write a 5 page response paper to stuff I mostly haven't read yet. Wish me luck!
* cid takes off his hat, and stands on a soapbox

I come not to flame Dman, but to bury him...
Tthe Gods destroy accounts almost every day, but this one was different. He was not a drive-by noder, or a ghost left over from E1. He was not a Pinchemadre, or a hot grits troll He was Dman, a loud, tactless, opinionated, bitter person. He was also one of Everything's Best Users. He was viciously ridiculed both for his flying monkey right political views, and for his tactless way of expressing them. In the end, though, they led to his undoing.

I'm not sure if his expulsion from Everything was inevitable, or if maybe we had been a little nicer to him, he wouldn't have ended his noding life as a troll. It's too late for that now. Dman is dead, a martyr to his precious politicical cause, and because of it Everything will be a less happy, more paranoid place for a long time.

So sit down, shut your mouth, node happy liberal thoughts, watch your back, and pray you're not next, because now we've seen what happens when a noder steps out of the party line.

No, I'm not happy about this AT FUCKING ALL. Go ahead and downvote me if you like, you won't change my mind. That he was an opinionated bastard is no excuse for obliterating in a single stroke one of the most prolific and highest level noders
First daylog entry. This DMan thing has me a bit disturbed and it seems more appropriate here than noded.

I have the dubious distinction of having responded to his last writeup, and I believe the upvotes on mine and the downvotes on his *may* have catalyzed his final actions. I'm not sure what other conclusion to draw from his hateful parting shot to themusic, who happened to have C!'d my wu. Maybe I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

When I /msg'd DMan to tell him his Anti-Americanism node had a reply, he (must have read it quickly and) fired back: "apologist." I was a bit taken aback; I am relatively new here and assumed that people commit their positions to writeups in the nodes, where the progress of the arguments can be seen to unfold. I'd certainly come across enough examples to think this was possible in this case. In any case I'd hoped for a discussion, not an immediate descent into name-calling. (is this the right room for an argument?) I replied: "critic, yes; apologist, hardly." The reply came: "what do you care? you're getting upvoted, I'm getting downvoted." I replied to the effect that corny as it may sound I was interested in the truth of the matter, and I had responded to his wu because I thought he was mistaken to attribute anti-Americanism to envy as he did. I heard nothing back, and when I next checked, rather than a reply added onto his writeup, the whole original wu had been nuked, and a reply to mine from Uberfetus had appeared. I read it with interest and am putting together a reply, but I was left with a rather sour and unsettling impression of DMan.

While much of his stuff is straightforward, anything I read of his with political content seems to be full of abuse and contempt. He sure called people morons a lot. Sarcasmo says that DMan earned huge amounts of XP in Quests rather than normal noding and being cooled, and yet he did accrue an impressive total number of contributions. It just suggests a deep cynicism that someone as knowledgeable and articulate as he should focus so quickly on XP.

Happy Equinoxe, everybody.

Not so good a day today.
I'm still missy cool at work. But the shine has fallen off it. Horribly sad this evening. Trying to work out why..
In some ways I hate being talented. There is a horrible responsibility which goes with it, for, by my own logic, if I am really that talented, I shouldn't be working for some corporate, but doing something worthwhile, something which matters.
But there are two problems with this:
1) I need money to live comfortably, and
2) I don't know what this 'something which matters' is.
Right now I am despariring of ever finding it, because the only way I ever get close to it is when I have time to do stuff. Unlimited, unbroken, uninterrupted time. When I get time now, I slack off, prevaricate, sit on the net for hours. And I feel so guilty..
I want - ahh sheesh, I dunno - I want to make one perfect thing. One perfect thing, which I am utterly satisfied with, as an artist. And somehow this matters more than anything else, more than feeling better, or finding good people to have around me, because I know that if I manage it, all these other things will fall into place..
Sometimes I don't feel like it will ever happen.
Do witch and which sound the same or different when you say them? For the most part when I say them they are the same, although when I want to I am able to distinguish them. Historically they should be different, but it's a distinction that English is losing. So, you might not say it, and your parents might not say it, but your grandparents might say it.

We talked about this for 45 minutes in my Sociolinguistics class.

It's nice that we can spend the time explaining language differences in class and that we can make sure that everyone is on the same page; which would be so much easier if everyone managed to actually pick up the book

Today is, and maybe it's just here I'm not sure, A Day without Rape. Andrea Dworkin at one time asked for it, and now we have events and get out into the community and support awareness so that everyday can be a day without rape. Last year, at a small school twenty minutes away, someone didn't get the message that the day was supposed to happen without sexual violence, and two girls were raped on campus. The school refused to let the girls press charges through the college. The town refused to let the girls press charges without the agressors being reprimanded by the school first. The girls eventually gave up. I'm working tonight so I can't go to the concert that they're holding tonight in celebration of this safe evening. It makes me very sad that we have to claim a day and celebrate it as if nothing bad will/has happen/ed. It makes me angry that I live someplace where from a cultural standpoint forced sexual intercourse is okay. It's only a crime if the victim speaks up. It makes me even angrier that I live in what is probably one of the safest places to be a single woman anywhere in the world, anywhere in history.

the days are getting shorter... the nights are getting cooler, and longer.

Every day this week I have dashed home from work, slipped into my fancy overalls (complete with reflective scripts, thankyouverymuch), and crawled under the car (the MG). Only to emerge covered in grease, feeling sorta macho, new shocks, starter motor, cut hands, scrapes later.

The car smells like an army surplus store, that scent of oil and canvas. And it sounds like a tractor, but it goes like a rocket. I am compelled to drive it like a bat out of hell..

So I am moving upstairs, "into the big house". after successfully negiotating to shut my neighors up, I found myself taking over. Now I have to sit and listen to them move out. I need to get away... It's weird... they know... but they are assholes, so the hell with them.

I became obsessed with seeing a monster truck show recently.. But now they are only occuring in places like iowa. the extreme motorcycle show is at the tacoma dome, but it's not the same thing. I want to see fuel guzzling red-necks, dammit.

(Noded as soon as I got back from a four-day trip from Tampa to New York to be the best man in a wedding.)

I went to the airport early to avoid rush hour traffic and parked in the Remote Economy Lot ($6 per day instead of $8 per day). I thought I had parked in the wrong lot because, except for a few parked shuttle vans, the lot was pretty much empty. But the guy I asked said I was just the first one there, so I should go ahead and park.

The driver of the shuttle van asked me if I had seen any advertisements for the remote lot. That's when it dawned on me. I was "...the first one here, EVER?"

"Yeah, today's the first day. You're the first ever."

"Wow. I feel so special. Here I thought I was just a cheapskate, and it turns out I'm a historic cheapskate."

"If I had a camera I'd take a picture."

"Hm."

The passengers of Flight 380 were served "Le Petit Snack" ("A Delightful Combination for Your Snacking Pleasure"), which consisted of "Le Petit Fromage" (a spreadable bit of cheese), two Wheatsworth whole-grain saltines, a granola bar and a tiny 3 Musketeers morsel the size of a six-sided die. I think "Le Petit Snack" is bogus French for "twee nosherei".

My seatmate was a renfaire whipmaker who lives across Tampa Bay from me. I've asked him if he'll make a wizard's wand for my Halloween costume; I'm going to be a Hogwarts professor of magic.

Adam (the groom) and his sister Stephanie met me at the gate. Adam was holding a sign that said "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt". I greeted him with "That's MY name too!" We dashed away to drop off Stephanie at the bridal shop and get to Adam's meeting at work (duraboard.com).

I got a brief tour of the warehouse. They sort used tires by size, then slice off the sidewalls and cut the remaining rings of tread to be baked flat and bonded together into a lumber substitute.

The bachelor party was a simple affair - dinner, pool, and video games. A good time was had by all.

I'm involved with my campus' version of a Gay/Straight Alliance. We've been talking about what we're planning on doing for some activities for Coming Out Day, on October 11. We're doing a little mini-week of activities, three days of movies, speakers, bands, and lovely, happy fun stuff.

One of our activities is actually *on* Coming Out Day. We're planning on having a panel come to talk about what it is like or what it means to come out in a number of fashions, from coming out as Christian to coming out as gay. We're having some clergy come in (we *are* a religious school), some faculty, and some people from the community. However, we were figuring that it would be really important to have a couple of students on the panel to talk about what it means to come out while a student.

I'm thinking of being one of those students. You don't catagorically have to come out to be on the panel, but I know myself, and I know the forum, and I know that I would. I'm not sure whether this is a good idea or not. I'm not even sure if it's a BIG deal or not. I mean, all of my friends from college know. Some of my friends from high school do. Even one of my cousins knows. So, is it really that big of a deal?

Then again, I go to a school where I was harassed merely for suspicion of gayness, where an openly gay student recieved death threats only three years ago.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know if I'll do it. But it's a kind of big deal for me that I'm even considering it. It means that I've come a long, long way in the last three years. Thank God.

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