Sometimes I feel like such a scandalous broad, and other times I feel like I'm simply living life to it's fullest. Women always tend to blame the other woman in the instance that "their man" has been lured in a different direction. In that theory I'm a terrible dame.

However, I find that the men are so easy to stray. I found a man attractive this very night, but did not act, for I presumed that he was with another (in fact, I was even told in a casual manner). My night carried on, mingling, observing, drinking... I offered some acquaintances a ride to wherever they were going, for I was ready to leave and didn't quite feel like going home yet. They invited me to the loft of the very man I spotted. I went with the insinuated girlfriend to the formentioned abode. I hung out, smoked, drank water and observed a pool game. Everything was just peachy. I didn't pay mention to the forementioned attractive man, because it is never my intention to disrupt a "happy relationship".

Later he offers to show me a part of the place that I had not seen before, I willingly obliged assuming the most innocent of outcomes. I mentioned my favourable opinion of the area and continued my tour. He properly asked if he could kiss me, which threw me off guard. I then of course questioned his status with the formentioned "girlfriend". He gave the line of "oh, we're going through difficult times and have a sort of understanding," At first I was hesitant, but not long after I gave in. Intense, amazing, raw, passionate, alive was the experience. And shamefully, I don't feel guilty. I felt an even stronger energy due to the fact that I was doing something because I wanted to, selfishly. I've been through simliar situations and feel like it's not my fault if someone is interested in me. The woman was interested in the man, but the man was interested in me. I know what I'm getting into, I am accountable for my actions, but I look at it in the man's eyes and feel like he's not a piece of property. The woman he's with should question his trust, not mine. If it went further I would understand that at any moment he might find someone more appealing, on the other hand, as might I.

Relationships are different in this age. It's harder to keep interest, more difficult to trust. Marriages break, love dies. I am certainly not an innocent, I've had my share of hurting and being hurt, but I see things as they are, and don't run my life in fear of drama.

The co-worker whose friends these were subtley said "...but they are definately soulmates", when I returned, referring to the formentioned "relationship", she is also protective of her friend, which is understandable. I cannot begin to reflect on what drama would be created, how I would get fired, should this thing progress. In the long run I don't care, for I am entirely sick of petty soap operas.

See me as you wish, but see me as I am.

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