On the far end of the cereal aisle, on the upper shelves, far from the grasping hands of infants, you will find a strange land of solid dependability.

No flashy or bright colors adorn these cereals. No memorable cartoon characters pantomime joy and no paid sponsors smile genuinely from the front of these boxes. Some don't even have boxes, their bags lie naked on the shelves, exposed to the world. They scream regularity and nutrition with every inch of their bland packaging. They bear healthy sounding names reminicent of whole grains: Grape Nuts, Oat Bran Crunch, Spelt Meal Flakes, Sprouted Wheat Meal. No matter, they're all basically the same thing.

Bird-Seed-in-a-Bowl, Floorsweepios, Twigs-and-gravel. Pick whatever nickname you like, names can't hurt them or make them taste any better. What they lack in tastiness they make up for in sheer molecular density. Milk or no milk, makes no difference, even your stomach acid will have a tough time breaking these nuggets down. I'd suggest serious chewing of each bite, but 4 out 5 dentists agree that prolonged chewing of these products will eventually reduce your teeth to little stubs.

On the bright side, if you get snowed in, as a last resort you can try gritting your driveway with them.

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