As you know, Bob, "romance" is a loaded word with an industry attached to it: 1-800-FLOWERS, Hallmark cards, pre-packaged vacations for two, Valentine's Day gifts, and such. I was never good at that (though I'm told I do affection well) - in much-younger days, I tried the "buy flowers" trip, the Valentine's-gift trip... and failed miserably. I couldn't muster the enthusiasm.

I have found that the romance comes from little things (but then again, I can only speak for myself, and not the partners - I will, someday, have them log in and write nasty things about me). Little shared things, like pet abusive nicknames for annoying acquaintances... a botched attempt at a homemade "romantic" dinner for two (it still beat a fancy restaurant - you can't buy makeshift bohemian atmosphere and loving incompetence)... there are old reggae songs that remind me of the silly name an old girlfriend had for "dreadlocks" - the memory doubles the enjoyment of the song...

Little shared things. Things so private and secret that no corp can bland it up and mass-market it. Things that one would have to stamp "you had to be there" in the context of a writeup. But we wouldn't have wanted you there.

ROMANCE
by
Edgar Allan Poe


Romance, who loves to nod and sing,
With drowsy head and folded wing,
Among the green leaves as they shake
Far down within some shadowy lake,
To me a painted paroquet
Hath been- a most familiar bird-
Taught me my alphabet to say-
To lisp my very earliest word
While in the wild wood I did lie,
A child- with a most knowing eye.

Of late, eternal Condor years
So shake the very Heaven on high
With tumult as they thunder by,
I have no time for idle cares
Through gazing on the unquiet sky.
And when an hour with calmer wings
Its down upon my spirit flings-
That little time with lyre and rhyme
To while away- forbidden things!
My heart would feel to be a crime
Unless it trembled with the strings.

Romance
Edwin Arlington Robinson

  I

 Boys

We were all boys, and three of us were friends;
And we were more than friends, it seemed to me: --
Yes, we were more than brothers then, we three. . . .
Brothers? . . . But we were boys, and there it ends.

  II

 James Wetherell

We never half believed the stuff
They told about James Wetherell;
We always liked him well enough,
And always tried to use him well;
But now some things have come to light,
And James has vanished from our view, --
There is n't very much to write,
There is n't very much to do

To begin I will define two words before I spout my useless propaganda. First and foremost I will define, romance; a love affair, a term loosely used for various sorts of actions predominantly tender or intimate in mood. Then there is love; a powerfull emotion felt for another person manifesting itself in deep affection.

I see people around me tag romance in with love far too often than they should. You see, romance really has nothing to do with love, in fact I believe it to play a big role in seduction. I mean what exactly are the motives behind romance? If not a subtle way of seducing somebody? People look at being romantic as a way to show love.

Is this a true and honest way of showing love? or just another subtle method to get into someone's pants? Johny took Suzy for a walk on the beach in the moonlight, gee wiz that is so romantic.

Romance today is, like mentioned in the other write-ups in this node, a money making method of corporate America. "Be romantic, give her a Hallmark!", or "Show her you love her, buy her some Russel Stover chocolates." It really is pathetic the lengths people will go to, to get into a girls pants. It just is ridiculous. I'm sure I could go on forever about this subject, but I think I will conclude with a simple thought.

Think about it, romance=seduction, not love. And yet people get duped into having sex with somebody that doesn't love them, because they were, "romantic". Just a thought.

The Four Stages of Romantic Relationships

Inspired by Amika Takahashi's "Stages of Romance"

To those who wonder why your relationships end in premature breakups, perhaps this can help:

The Candy House Stage - This is when the fireworks and shooting stars fill the couple's hearts with magic. The couple feels the connection, everywhere they go. They may act silly, as if under a spell and may think of, and talk about nothing but their partner all the time. This is the stage when the partners feel inseperable. They will try to be together as much as they can, exchange thoughtful glances, and share intimate moments. Gift giving and complimenting are common.

The Frozen Pond Stage - After the Candy House, the stars fall down, the sparks fade away, and the magic seems to die. In the Frozen Pond, the level of interest is in the freezer. One partner or both partners may feel neglected, or bored, or uneasy. They become overconfident or insecure, as well as uncomfortable. Often the quality of communication drops. In many cases the couple will attempt to rekindle the passion of their romance through more gift giving, bonding, and many other attempts to save the connection. Thawing the Frozen Pond requires patience, understanding, and in many cases, a little creativity.

The Poison Apple Stage - In this level, the quality of communication suffers, and the couple loses stability. As the relationship weakens, the couple finds fault in the smallest things and looks for reasons to argue and quarrel. Complaining and nagging become regular. The partners trust each other less and find it easy to lie. One or both partners may entertain the thought of cheating because they feel discontented. Because many couples view these poison apples as symptoms of incompatibility, few ever make it through this stage. Interestingly, one psychologist stated that playing pictionary, charades, and similar games, may help as they can break language barriers, as well as develop empathic communication.

The Happily Ever After Stage - Those who survive the Poison Apple benefit in this state of bliss where mere attraction transforms into love. The partners enjoy each other more and feel united in a metaphysical way. This is a rewarding level of continuous caring and a deeper kind of intimacy. The couple in this level knows better now, and they each contribute to maintain the relationship.

Ro*mance" (?), n. [OE. romance, romant, romaunt, OF. romanz, romans, romant, roman, F. roman, romance, fr. LL. Romanice in the Roman language, in the vulgar tongue, i. e., in the vulgar language which sprang from Latin, the language of the Romans, and hence applied to fictitious compositions written in this vulgar tongue; fr. L. Romanicus Roman, fr. Romanus. See Roman, and cf. Romanic, Romaunt, Romansch, Romanza.]

1.

A species of fictitious writing, originally composed in meter in the Romance dialects, and afterward in prose, such as the tales of the court of Arthur, and of Amadis of Gaul; hence, any fictitious and wonderful tale; a sort of novel, especially one which treats of surprising adventures usually befalling a hero or a heroine; a tale of extravagant adventures, of love, and the like.

"Romances that been royal."

Chaucer.

Upon these three columns -- chivalry, gallantry, and religion -- repose the fictions of the Middle Ages, especially those known as romances. These, such as we now know them, and such as display the characteristics above mentioned, were originally metrical, and chiefly written by nations of the north of France. Hallam.

2.

An adventure, or series of extraordinary events, resembling those narrated in romances; as, his courtship, or his life, was a romance.

3.

A dreamy, imaginative habit of mind; a disposition to ignore what is real; as, a girl full of romance.

4.

The languages, or rather the several dialects, which were originally forms of popular or vulgar Latin, and have now developed into Italian. Spanish, French, etc. (called the Romanic languages).

5. Mus.

A short lyric tale set to music; a song or short instrumental piece in ballad style; a romanza.

<-- 6. A love affair, esp. one in which the lovers display their deep affection openly, by romantic gestures. -->

Syn. -- Fable; novel; fiction; tale.

 

© Webster 1913.


Ro*mance", a.

Of or pertaining to the language or dialects known as Romance.

 

© Webster 1913.


Ro*mance", v. i. [imp. & p. p. Romanced (?); p. pr. & vb. n. Romancing (?).]

To write or tell romances; to indulge in extravagant stories.

A very brave officer, but apt to romance. Walpole.

 

© Webster 1913.

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