Name:_______________
Address:__________________________
City/Zip Code:________________: _ _ _ _ _
Email: ______________________

Please check one space for each question so that your input will be useful to us.

1: Have you ever filled out a questionnaire before?

_:Yes
_:No

2: What do you think 'questionnaire' means?

_: A list of questions designed to provide statistical data to market researchers and poll taking organizations.
_: A method for giving knowledge and thus power to The Man.
_: A person whose money is of questionable origin, in the same sense that a person with a million or more dollars is a millionaire.
_: A great way to pick up brittle,low income women at the mall.

3: True or false, marketing statistics are biased towards those who are the sort of people to stop what they are doing and take the time to read and fill out questionnaires with long run-on questions.

_: True
_: False

4: Have you ever filled out a lengthy medical questionnaire?

_: Yes
_: No
_: I don't have enough money to pay for The Man's health insurance.
_: This isn't a medical questionnaire?

5: FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!

_: Eddie Izzard?
_: George Carlin.
_: I don't dress in drag, not even executive drag.
_: What?

6: Marketing surveys, in the form of questionnaires are favored for which reason?

_: Cheapness, ease of distribution and data entry.
_: The destruction of trees is high on the list of priorities for all flavors of The Man.
_: For great justice.
_: OH Eddie Izzard! Hahahaha

7: Statisticians do it...

_: In large groups of highest accuracy and finest results.
_: Because they are all standard deviants, except the real nut balls and ordinary ones.
_: Alone, in a dark room lit only by their computer screen.
_: On holidays, weekends or if they aren't feeling too tired when they get home.

8: Livejournal surveys exist for which reason?

_: To entertain the masses.
_: To entertain the masses who get the inside jokes about Harry Potter.
_: To inform livejournal users of the most precise statistical likelihood that they enjoy looking at breasts.
_: Advertisement revenue.

9: You have read this entire node for which reason?

_: To learn about questionnaires which have sadly been poorly explained here.
_: To enjoy a humorous writeup.
_: Because this was written for A Quest in Honor of Jessica Pierce.
_: Because you took the time to print this out so that you could put checks on the spaces.

10: How would you rate this questionnaire?

_: Upvotable!
_: Downvotable!
_: C!able!
_: (marked for destruction)!

Thank you for taking our survey. In filling this out you have been entered into a raffle for a new Hummer H3 and about 30 more tonnes of junkmail and 10 gigabytes of spam.

Ques`tion`naire" (?), n.; pl. -naires (F. &?;). [F.]

= Questionary, above.

 

© Webster 1913

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