When I was in junior high, I picked up this habit of stealing things from chain stores such as Riteaid and Safeway. I would steal these items only to set them on fire afterward. I obtained the nickname Cleptopyro because of this.
It was a ritual to go to Steamers after a dance at my school. Its a sports bar/family pizza kind of place. One night, after a dance, we headed over to the Riteaid next to Steamers before they closed to buy some materials. I had some plans in mind. After our little "shopping spree," we went over to Steamers so I could brag about what I was going to do.
ed to my friends: "I have so much stuff on me right now, I could kick anyone's ass."
guy overheard me as he was stumbling
to his car with his friends and promptly stumble
d over to me. He picked me up by the neck and threw me against the wall. I couldn't touch the ground and he was too far away to kick
with my all-mighty paratrooper
s. I'm short, so my kick
doesn't reach very far at all.
"Think you're tough
, do you? Let's see you kick my ass
now." He laughed.
So, I went for Plan B. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my bic lighter. I set his arm hairs on fire. He reacted by releasing me. Yay, I could breathe again. He went to punch me but his friends, who had been gawking at us the whole time, held him back and dragged him away.
I am probably lucky they pulled him back. My ass would've been grass. He wasn't extremely big or anything, but if he can lift me up with one arm so that I'm not touching the ground? In any case, I started laughing at him. He looked pissed that he was defeated by a bic lighter.
All the while, the other kids from the junior high had eventually migrated over to Steamers. There were at least 20 kids out front who witnessed this. They just stared with their jaws dropped. Some of my friends were around, too. They just stared, as well. That's what friends are for, I guess.