A sarcastic look at how the media turned 'punk' into a fashion and how you can join in the fun!
How To Be Punk
... in 30 minutes or less.
hair for guys:
Ones hair must be done in such a manner: Guys, use a gallon of anything sticky
to maintain 8 inch Freedom Spikes
on a windy day, not to mention sweating profusely in the middle of a circle pit
at a hardcore punk rock
show. Thing to consider: Elmer's glue
, hair cement, good ol' syrup anyone?, and if you are really daring have one of your other guy friends spunk
in your hair, if you ever seen the movie 'There's something about Mary
seems to do a damn good job in keeping your hair stiff.
hair for girls:
If you want to be a Punk Rock
chick you should have little to no hair. Being bald isn't for old men and skinheads
anymore! Don't be afraid to use your razor to get the 'Bic
' effect either. I recommend the Mach 3 Turbo
, But feel free to use whatever. There is no need for any type of grooming if you want to really be punk
, but bleaching and dying your hair is a must! You might want to try any of the seemingly trendy
colors blue, hot pink, green, orange, purple or any combination therein. If you want to get really crafty, why not try and leave a little hair and dye in some patterns, this might include: stripes
, leopard spots, checkerboard
, and if you are really good a nice plaid
pattern would be ultimate.
Moving right along down your body, now that we have your hair finished, your face.
There are two main ingredients here, eyeliner
is a must for both male
and female punks
, but lets leave the glitter
to the females. After all, you're going out into public, there are going to be punks
everywhere, you want to make sure you don't get your ass kicked by skinhead
for being a pansy
Accessories. We all need them. If your planning on being a punk rocker
you will need some supplies. Spikes
, safety pins
(and not the kind, your dentist puts on you), studs
, and leather
stuff. You will also want to have bracelets and necklaces in excess. The more you have, the more punk
you are. (keep telling yourself that). Have plenty of 1 inch button
s with your favorite punk bands, punk record labels, anti-nazi
signs, and offensive
sayings. I almost forgot.. ZIPPERS
! You can tell how punk
someone really is by the amount of useless zippers
on their clothing
. For example: PuNkBoB1 is wearing jeans, he only has one functional zipper
, and you guessed it its the one right underneath his one functional
button. Now, PuNkBob2 is wearing his super stylish red plaid bondage
pants that he bought at hot topic
for 55 bucks. He has a total of 18 zippers
(none that are functional), and an ultra added bonus two 'bondage straps
' that also serve no purpose.
The end result.. 18 > 1= PuNkBob2 is more punk!
Believe it or not the punk
dress is probably the most least complicated of them all.
First off, punk
dress sees no gender
. Remember that, anything goes.
You will get best results however by wearing anything plaid
(even Grandpa's old golf pants
), non named brand anything (we punk
's hate labels
! ), anything that is homemade
is always more "Punk
", ripped jeans
, tight jeans
, baggy jeans
, cut off slacks
, anything acid washed
, mismatched socks
, and always the basic black.
Guys and gals alike should have a jean jacket
(preferably one from the 80's
worn out and acid washed
) affix many of your spikes
, and 1 inch buttons
, as mentioned in the accessories section. Be creative! This jacket
is a direct reflection of you! If its punk, you've got to display it. Don't forget your back patch
, if you cant afford one, cut the logo from your favorite band's t shirt and use that. You can than write a nice FUCK YOU
or punk rock
lyrics with a sharpie
. This is a must, normally this would go under accessories, but in this case its part of the dress. Have as many piercings
as humanly possible on your face, just hope your band will make it someday and you wont need to hold a job in corporate
are great, you should have lots, big ones, small ones, it doesn't matter as long as you have them!
Nearly done now, your so punk
I can smell you already. You need shoes though. This isn't a big challenge either you have your choice between 3 (oh so hypocritical) brands:
All star Chuck Taylor Converse
(America's shoe): Whether they are low top, high top, American flag
, green, shit-stained
, duct tape
checker board or the really annoying hot pink, and my favorite the One-star you are safe with any kind.
: Not to many choices here, there skate
shoes, if you are going for the punk
who is not only hardcore
s, or often I see more holding the board to look cool than actually riding on it, Vans
are for you. Vans
are also a good choice if you are into ska
or don't want to wear converse
because you want to be at least a little comfortable (if you've ever wore converse they aren't really good for walking around, they lack nice comfy support padding) because a great band called 'The Suicide Machines
'wrote an awesome song called "The Vans Song
: For anyone who wants to be hardcore-for-sure
. In my opinion the most durable boot
ever made. I have had a pair going on 10 years now, granted they are beat up, they have soles to last a lifetime. They are also backed by a lifetime guarantee
. They come in steel-toe and non-steel toe, knee-high, and other standard boot designs.
Now that you have read all of this you are ready to start your day tomorrow. So heres the plan.
Wake up: Don't Shower.
Get dressed: throw anything on in 2 minutes or less.
Do hair : (if you are a guy, those freedom spikes
might take a little while to perfect, especially on the first try)
Find accessories: Install jewelry
in one of many holes in and on your face, and put on your eyeliner
Take a look in the mirror: Are you punk
Arm yourself with a Discman
or portable radio and don't forget your 'Punk Rock
Slip on your Chucks
, yesterdays socks
, and head for the mall
When you arrive at the mall
or anywhere in public remember not to smile. That's not punk.Keep in mind when you are meeting and seeing other people no one is 'punker than you
'.Grab random people that look 'punk
', hand them your Discman
, play them a song.Tell them to name it, If they can they're punk
in your book, if not than tell them to fuck off