How to "use" a prairie squid:

Before you write me off as a psycho or a person who tries to shock people with annoying made-up nonsense, let me say I am not making this up. Prairie squids are much like unicorns and mermaids in the realm of existing, though of course unicorns and mermaids are not normally used as sex toys in the stories about them. In the Book of the Subgenius, prairie squids are reported as vibrant, furry animals that are great in bed.

One can use a prairie squid alone or with a partner. Some warnings: They are reported to periodically squirt ink when excited. If you are male you are advised to ALWAYS remove the beak of the prairie squid with a good de-beaking tool (as per Connie Dobbs's instructions) or you will be "singing in the boys' choir." Beware, the beak is said to grow back overnight.

Do not try these tricks with a regular squid. It is not the same. Regular squids are disagreeable, flaccid in bed, have no fur, and usually fail to live without being immersed in water. It is easy to tell the difference, and believe me, going to bed with a regular squid sucks.

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