In third grade another seven-year-old girl
from my class helped me write a list of “bad words
”. We included all the words we could think of, such as, “dummy
”, “fishlips” and “retard
”. Halfway down the list I entered the dangerous realm of really bad words, like “bitch
” and “Motherfucker
” (with a capital “M”). This was really just for our own amusement, because it was funny to see these words printed so carefully on the wide lined handwriting paper
, making sure that the ‘c’ in Motherfucker didn’t go past the little dotted lines, that the ‘t’ in Motherfucker was crossed just so…
Later that day I was in my room when I heard my mom in the hallway, laughing in a hushed giggle with my aunt. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. What had I done with the list of bad swears! I could hear my mom clearing her throat and she entered my room with a serious look on her face (my aunt in the background could not keep a stern face and had to leave).
“Wow, this is some spelling list. I thought they held off on “Motherfucker” ‘til at least fifth grade.” She held out the paper and raised an eyebrow, demanding some sort of answer. I did not have much to say for myself. She decided that I should really become familiar with these words, but not just the spelling. She wanted them all defined as well.
So it was that I spent my entire spring vacation on my bed, writing out each word one hundred times. I had to write the definition and part of speech for each word, and I had to use it in a sentence. However, “Motherfucker” was a word she really wanted me to get right. I had to write five hundred “Motherfucker”s in my loopy kid scrawl. I saved it for last and then spent an entire day agonizing over the definition.
This is what I came up with:
“Motherfucker: noun One who sleeps with mothers. i.e. Your boyfriend is a Motherfucker."