Breasts. They're lovely, aren't they? Hey, I'm a straight female, and even I can appreciate them. But this isn't a write up on the greatness of breasts; this is a write-up on how to decorate them. Well, actually that's a lie, because there are a lot of ways to decorate breasts. In this instance, I'm talking nipple tassels.

What most people think of as nipple tassels are actually nipple pasties with a tassel attached. Yes, I know, I'm talking semantics here, but we strive for accuracy here at E2, right? Nipple pasties are the name for the small pieces of cloth that completely cover the nipple and areola of a breast. This bits of cloth are ever so slightly conical, and are available in a variety of different sizes, textiles, colours, shapes... the range is so great that any girl (or guy) should be able to find something to suit their taste, be it classic burlesque, trailer trash or French maid.

To really set off a pair of nipple pasties, tassels can be attached. By shimmying the ribcage, or by bouncing slightly using your knees or the balls of your feet, you can cause these tassels to swing round in quite a hypnotic manner. The art of the tassel twirl is a noble one, and is the cornerstone of any self-respecting burlesque girl's act. Some brave souls even set these tassels alight, resulting in a kind of 'boobie-catherine wheel' that has the audience simultaneously dropping their jaws in awe and praying that the pasties are able to hold on for dear life; I have once seen an alight pastie detach and sail over the audience. Those sitting in the path of this erotic but deadly missile had a look on their face that put me in the mind of rabbits caught in the headlights of an on-coming car.

Now that I've mentioned it, how do you attach a nipple pastie to yourself? Well, if it's just a light-weight pastie with no tassel then a small circle of Sellotape can be used, or if desperate, a glue stick like Pritt Stick or Uhu. For heavier pasties, and for those exhibitionists who intend to do a bit of twirling, the best substance to use is spirit gum or liquid latex adhesive. When sticking these things on remember you (probably) eventually want to be able to get them off again with the minimum of pain; for this reason I recommend against anything stronger (such as duct tape or super glue), because otherwise, well, *owwww!*

A selection of nipple pasties can be found at www.twirlygirl.net. I warn in advance that this is probably not a site that should be accessed from work; I'm thinking the senior management might not approve. However, if you are the senior management, go nuts.