This evening I woke up to everything correct. The tomato starts were at last placed in wells a couple inches deep, the soft earth moist around them from watering. Those short minutes before starting the nap, kinked leaky hose in hand I was covering the ground a shade darker. Turning the water off and coiling up the age worn transport, kneeling down to coax over the timid kittens which had been watching the entire time. Slightly more forthright, the black one approached, snaking around my hand a short while before the other with mixed white fur and panic eyes followed.

These past days to maybe weeks have been rough. No particular element has been strained beyond breaking, instead the combination of constant tension at varying points brought me to the grating level. Mind drained of vibrance pulling constantly towards sleep, body weak, dragging through motion reluctantly. Free time was compressed to restless sleep in a failing fight to recover. In turn, the absence of external activity and attention to life pushed the sinking farther. Caught up and lacking perspective to comprehend the situation, as soon as the dreams come I know what is happening. Frequent and intense dreams occur only under times of duress, indicative of crushing strain in my life. As if somehow the depth coursing my concious existance is channel consolidated into after dark sleeping, natural reflex in attempt to conserve scarce resources. Doing well, perhaps only once or twice a month will morning retain a tangled story impressed and fading from my mind.

And rising from light sleep on the couch, the living room came in smoothly. A distinct absence of weight mixed with a quiet calm, at last peaceful once again. Remove laundry from washer to the dryer, I pursued this so slowly, out of enjoyment instead of lethargy now. Feeling so fine. Dark, windows down and driving I wanted sensations to pass slowly, extend them by turning on a winding side road to let the speedometer rise and fall in close connection to the passing land. And for the life I felt leached from me and time lost to waste, it feels well spent to experience again this transition to lightness.

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