Morning wood

Let's play the myth dispel game, guys! Especially fun since morning erections is one of the top 10 misunderstood phenomenons of the male sexuality - and thus a favorite among less-informed males and females alike to pick on.

Having a morning erection does NOT mean ...

• that you were having a wet/sexy dream
• that you are sexually turned on - hence people with morning erections are, ironically, less likely to have a morning wank (or a morning romp, if they are so lucky to be sleeping with someone) than people whose bloodstream is a bit more cooperative
• that you'll wake up with a smile on your face - it is often very uncomfortable and, depending on which position you're in when you wake up, can be downright painful
• that all men instinctively are pigs

Compare this with a common female reaction which is waking up with pointy and erect nipples - usually a sign of sexual arousal (or a chilly environment), but in this case, as totally unrelated to sex as the male morning erection. If your girlfriend or sister pokes fun at the early morning tent in your shorts, just ask her why she's setting up camp in her chest and walk away. The mornings weren't made for pointless bickering.

Morning wood is God's way of keeping you from pissing your pants while you're asleep. As your bladder fills up while you're sleeping, it starts to push on your prostate gland, causing the penis to become erect. Since it's damn near impossible to accidentally release the contents of one's bladder while hung, you'll manage to hold it in until you wake up.

After you wake up...well, that's another story. A good exercise in contortion, that.

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