The idea of fashioning little pants for little monkeys is a plan that has plagued me since I was a wee little kid. I never made it an issue to step to people about it, but it's always there, in the back of my mind...

I'm aware that there would be problems raised through the creation of pants for monkeys, but think of the rewards that could be garnered! More people who wanted jobs could have them. Of course, the clothes would have to be made by Americans. Otherwise it wouldn't be as conducive as destructive to the economy. You'd just see all this money leaving the country to go somewhere else. Somewhere off where people really enjoy clothing their conspicuous pets. This would be as scary as Sony's Aibos, but possibly worse, since robotic dogs don't leave their monkey poop everywhere.

But it remains in me, this inspired plan, one day I'm going to go outside, the home of all the bears, and find a monkey. I will clothe that monkey.

Monkeys need pants. They're essential to the idea of monkeyness. I don't care what Ben Crowe has to say about it.

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