I find myself asking this question quite alot lately. Life is a powder keg and we're all lit matches standing in pools of gas. Some of us get so close to burning out that we set off an explosion and all hell breaks lose.

Some of us manage to find a pool of water to stand in and we burn out and start over. New match new try. Eventually you run out of match's and I fear that is my case. Before when I would get close to setting off an explosion I would put myself out, or if I was lucky I would be covered with water by my family. Now I am an unlit match waiting for something to set me ablaze for the last time.

I have no idea what's going to happen in my life, i'm trying to just take it one day at a time. It doesn't bother me, my match stays unlit...... . . . .

I have always felt sad when those I care about get sad. I like that about me. I like my family. My dad works hard to support his family, my mom cares but she doesn't know what to do anymore. Nobody does, life is crazy now. I know my dad gets really sad when I go away to college. It's only 3hrs way, to me its not long. I've moved so many times, driven so far. It doesn't hurt me. What hurts me is that it hurts him. It hurts my mom too. I don't want to hurt them. They have never been mean to me. I owe them so much. I don't understand how anyone can pick them apart. It grates against me, bringing my match ever closer to igniting. Look at the big picture, your life is but a brush stroke in the painting of life.

I don't really mind, I just don't want things to fall apart on me. I don't want my or my siblings relationships with our parents to become like my dad and his parents. It's not a good way to be.

Every day it seems to gets closer to disaster. I know this is not the case. My perception of the situation is clouded by my overactive imagination and lack of the ability to grasp sarcasm on all of the levels the dreamy little humans of earth tend to use.

We all hurt now and then, but must we hurt others, why do we toss anger, fear and hate around at those who care about us.

Stop.... look at the picture...... infinite in all of it's beauty. Remember, you are only part of it.

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