It's a long story

1) I don't feel like going into it. Dammit, not this mutha . . . I don't feel like dealing with you right now. Go away
2) The incident makes me look stupid, and I can't make it sound funny enough to warrant telling you about it.
3) It's really not that interesting, but I want to sound mysterious because chicks dig dangerous guys. So, rather than reveal the fact that I am boring, and possibly a loser, or lying about it (takes too much effort and too good a memory), I just act secretive and let your imagination fill in the blanks. (Of course, she's really probably thinking what a loser anyway, but hope springs eternal.

I'm just going to elaborate on what robwicks just said about "it's a long story.". I think in general, that phrase and pathetic small talk can be considered the same.

I, in general, don't like many people. Especially most adults. There are few people I like in a respectable way, for example, my boss, one of my co-workers and...yeah that's it. But just because they're great people, doesn't mean I want to disclose my life to them! I am also very secretive, and most of the time like to keep my thoughts to myself. Oh, and btw robwicks, you just helped me out. I just met someone over the internet, planned it for weeks beforehand, and I have told hardly any people about it (it went well, it was a friendly thing), for a week, but now I'm about to go back to work, and everyone'll be asking me to tell them about my trip (despite the fact that at my job, there's NO time to talk because of damn work). Now I have a secret weapon: it's a long story.

It's perfect, though! Whenever I ask people about what they did, they say "it's a long story." I leave it at that, because it's cruel to drag it out of them, because it's also like the Ruffles' commercial I saw once in the mid-90's, when 2 Eskimos are sitting near an Igloo, and the one guy says "can I have a chip?" and the other says "if I give you a chip, I'll have to give a chip to the entire world!" That's what I feel when people say to me "it's a long story", that if they told me the story, why wouldn't they feel obligated to tell the rest of the world the story, one-by-one the individuals come, ask them, they drag out the story which exhausts their mouth muscles, and it's basically torture! That's why I believe in general, "it's a long story" is a perfect avoidance weapon, because people really believe that they would be put down a notch in your book if they keep pissing you off.

So on Saturday, I'm going to say "it's a long story." If they keep pestering me, I'll also say "Hey, there's a customer, lazy bitch!" If they ask me again after, I'll be like "Go to Hell." I'll get a new job soon, anyway.