This is a lame, lame gag. It's cheap, it's annoying, and requires no effort. This is the type of thing 4 year-olds are too grown up for, and make fun of all the 2 year-olds that are still doing it. But no matter! I do it anyway! I realize that my radical ideas about intercoms have already occured to others, but before yesterday they never occured to me, okay? Alright, enough already. Here's the gag:

Unsuspecting friend, previously invited, shows up outside your apartment or house or whatever, and hits the intercom button.

Friend: "Hello friend! I'm outside, it's your good buddy Sammy!"

Intercom voice: "Oh hey. How're you doing?"

Friend: "Oh excellent, thanks pal! Um...do you want to let me in?"

Intercom voice:"In a second. Are there many people out there, walking past?"

Friend: "Um..yes. How about letting me in n-"

Intercom Voice: "NO I DON'T WANT A FREE PORNO SUBSCRIPTION! TAKE YOUR FILTH ELSEWHERE!!"

Hopefully, by-passers turn and stare at your friend as they pass by. Your friend will force a smile, shocked.

Intercom Voice: "Sammy! Have you told your doctor about your genital warts?

A different set of by-passers turn to stare as they pass by. Sammy will most likely feel a little embarrassed.

"I told you not to pick at them, they'll only get worse!"

Depending on personal preference, you may decide to sing very strange pre-school songs down through the intercom, to attract a whole lot of attention to your pal. Note: you need an intercom for this. If you try to do this by coming to the door, you might get...um...hurt a little. People tend to be rather pissed off.

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