You snarl at me. 

I snap back.

Like a pair of tiny, scrapping dogs, or an old married couple who don't like each other much anymore.


Then you hug me and I...
...don't melt.

Your arms are around me, pressing me close to your body. My head rests against your chest. Like it always does.

And there's a huge, frightening distance between us. A chasm. An insurmountable gulf.

"I want to cuddle you" you say with your mouth.
"I'm hurt and afraid" you say with your eyes.
Your body says nothing at all.

And that's so strange to me, because usually it's your body that talks the loudest.

Our bodies make the shape they make when we snuggle closely together, my cheek resting on your chest.

And you're not here.
Or I'm not.
We've hurt each other.

And I ache.

I knew I was in trouble from the moment I woke up.

I had been sleeping terribly the last few days, not at all on christmas eve, or the night of the 23rd, instead I had slept for a few hours on christmas day, and longer the day before.

My Body Clock was screaming at me to leave it alone!!

Today was going to be different though, my beloved was coming over, my family was going out, and I had all these new toys to play with from santa.


We would have a day of bliss...
We would lay in bed and make love...
We would maybe even go for a swim...
We would be at peace...
...instead... We hurt each other.


It was a day of tension and waspishness, the majority of which came from me, the cause of which beyond either of out control, the result of which almost lead to both of us in tears.


We hurt Each other...


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