A twinkle in my eye, indeed.
This was not something I hired into. There was no job description. Just an hour of hot moistness, and then years of responsibility.
It's a kid, a family, a society responsibility. An anchor around my throat.
What do I know of possibilities? I live, I work, I express myself.
I never, at any point growing up, looked in the mirror and said "yeah, changing diapers and teaching sexual responsibility is going to be a blast".
Never crossed my mind. Still doesn't. This conversation isn't happening.
But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there are things I have to do. Stuff that comes with the job. Stuff they have to learn so they can say "hey, yeah, that's my Dad".
Fuck father figures. That's for when I'm in a nursing home or a coffin, and they need an auspicious title. I'm just a guy with some offspring. It happens to just about everybody, eventually.
Need another bottle. Trip to the store coming up, I guess. Need anything?
It's just day to day. Minute by minute. I can't even appologize, these things are beyond my measure. Did I ever...
But I will do those things. Somehow. I'll look back, just before that eternal fart off into the afterlife, and know that I got my checklist done right. I don't expect that to make sense to you now though.
But hey, we're not having this conversation. We never will.