Not unlike the practice of cow tipping but on a much smaller scale. There is a certain art to fly tipping that not just anyone can master. The delicate balance between tipping a fly and accidentally swatting him is very marginal and not one to be trifled with. It’s much easier if you have dainty hands and don’t breathe very hard. It’s easy to scare off a fly and much less humorous than actually tipping them over.

The art lies in the approach. You have to know your target and be able to mimic its every movement. If this involves climbing the curtains and aimlessly running into windows, then so be it. Some things, such as dignity, must be thrown away in moments such as these. Some things are just too important to worry about yourself. You have a fly to be tipping. Let it be known, that flies can be wily buggers at the best of times. But they have a sixth sense for when someone is trying to tip them.

Once you have mastered the art of following their every move then you are ready to move on. The easiest way is to fully synchronise yourself with the beast. And then, my friend, the hunt is on. Follow your target carefully around the room, making note of how long it will stay still for. This will be important in the very near future. If your fly happens to like to hold on to the ceiling, then you may be in for a difficult ride, but there are ways around this. Find a new target. It’s just not worth the effort and the expense in working out how to cling on to the ceiling.

Next up is mimicking the sounds of the fly. A fly will know if you’re just making fun of him, so don’t just go bzzzz. Get to know the exact sound of your fly. He’ll appreciate it in the long run. And as the long run isn’t actually that long, it doesn’t matter that much. There is the same subtlety in mimicking the sound of a fly buzzing as there is in hitting the perfect note in your church choir solo. So pay close attention to your fly and don’t mock.

Once you have got close to your fly, there is only one thing left to do. Tip that fly, my friend, tip that fly. Make sure not to push, that isn’t the point of this exercise. Tip, put one finger under the body of the fly, and tip. If you’ve managed to angle it just right then it should roll over nice and easily. There isn’t much point in fly tipping, but if it successfully fills your afternoon then you’ve done it right.

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