There weren't any
crickets - why do I always expect to hear crickets, anyway? I never do. The only sound that
filled the room was
the comforting sounds of my computer, a part of my life that was always there,
humming quietly to me as I drifted off. But as the night became darker and
my thoughts refused to quiet, I could hear the cars pass now and then on the highway not too far from the house and the faint sizzlingly
bubbly sound of my can of
Coke I forgot to finish on the desk.
Stop thinking, I demanded of myself, then thought how silly it was to even think of that. I kept trying to imagine
nothingness, trying to make my mind blank so that sleep could take me but my thoughts kept
finding a trail and refusing to stray.
Dammit, I have to work in the morning.
Once,
I caught myself falling asleep. It wasn't that sudden jerk you get and you can't particularly remember how much
time has passed and can never quite know exactly when you fell asleep, it was
something different. It felt like I was dead. Everything was black and dark and I felt like I couldn't breath, like I was
consumed into something that was simply
empty. Not even empty, not black, just nothing. I couldn't even feel my
heart beating. It was a calm and comfortable state until I freaked out and panicked and then suddenly I was awake and
the phone was ringing.
I tried to grasp onto that feeling. I try to everytime I have
difficulty sleeping,and although I have been unable to
mimic it, attempting to usually does the
trick. Just not
last night.