The screening process whereby countries get to determine whether persons entering their country are attempting to smuggle illegal controlled substances into their land. Yes, such a place can be little other than the fascist state unto itself that it is. Bright lights and cattle chutes. Moo as you pass through them and the customs officials will think you're too weird to interrogate.

Endlessly long lines.Passports being dropped and shuffled about by various weirdos who really do smell awful. These being the same people who were on the plane with you for the last 24 hours and you can no longer stand to see. You look at the natives walk through the incredibly short line of native passport holders and you wish them all a gruesome and horrible death. You finally reach the irrate customs official. "Any food or perishable items?" they ask you. "No", you respond as they go down the carboard checklist infront of them. They had you a card, ask you how long you will be alienating their country and stamp your passport.

The customs cop pulls you aside when you walk through the gate. Obviously he didn't get that the other official just cleared you to come into the country. He asks for your passport and you hand it to him sighing loudly. He asks you every question you had already answered in triplicate before having the airport dog sniff your bag. He waves you on, satisfied that you are no longer a threat to the country.

You venture over to baggage claim as another airport dog sniffs all carry ons as you wait. Now that you are particulary feeling guilty for everything you have done on this trip, that lady did seem she needed to use the airplane toilet a little more than you after all, you spy your suitcase and wait in yet another line to be screened for the final time.

You hand your cardboard checklist to the customs official. He breaks off the receipt on it and hands it to you. You place your bag on the x-ray trolley and walk through the metal detector. Finally, you are through customs and already you wish that your holiday was over.

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