There is a feeling to being a man, a rush if you will, that doesn't seem to be written about often enough, or even explored to any great depth. Most of the Biological and Psychological, and even Sociological forces of today are bent on exploration and sensitisation of women, with the ironic result that men, who make up a now silent half of humanity, are left to more or less explore and define their own roles in defiance to those given by science and the mostly feminised assertions of society.

Being a man is difficult. Well, no, actually it isn't. Most of us are born that way, but we lose some if not all of it, in the growth process, and have a devil of a time reclaiming it. Examples are in society. Young children roleplay the lives they would ideally like to fulfill in days to come, and boys especially, take on absolutist values much more easily than girls. For a guy, he must see himself work in society, fit in, or change the way things are to make them better, in a clearly defined, and easily demonstrable manner. Hence sword fights, and building blocks, guns, and military strategy, the Will to Power (as Neitzsche puts it so well) seems inborn in boys, whereas for girls it is something acquired through later experience. Very much the same can be said for linguistic and communicative proficiency with girls in parallel to boys. In fact, one could postulate that the emphasis on action, and alteration, is a compensatory trait designed to allow expression of the same basic will, but through more direct channels than are usually explored by girls. God knows that there are plenty of forceful women in the world, and I personally think this is a fine thing, afterall a charming and forceful lady is both an excellent companion and friend, as well as a worthy opponent in business or battle.

As we grow older though things change, and being a man is seen not so much in absolutist terms, but in terms of our place in society. We cease to become exemplars of our internal ideologies, and become creatures of the goals of necessity. This change is primarily the one that costs us our manhood, and in the process our Will to Power. We are tamed (and also educated, and enlightened, which is no bad thing!) by our many years of school, and in University, the invisible, yet tangible forces of society mould us in ways that we often disagree with. The goals that we see for ourselves often need re-evaluation, as they are inherited, and we face conflicts of role, of goals (job, cash, mate, knowledge, power), and of circumstance.

You see (if you are lady reading this, then this might be for you), guys usually work to a Rule Book. Whether that be conscious, or unconscious, prone to change, or fairly static, these rules and their internal cohesion form the basis of most of our actions. If we are true to those principles, or can see a legitimate reason for changing them, then we are at ease, and things, no matter how trying, are not troubling. When someone pulls at two or more of these rules, in a way that doesn't neatly fit, then either we become elated at the new experience, or deeply troubled at the internal contradiction it exposes. The circumstances, and strength of character of the guy determines which way he will go.

This is a fairly common phenomenon, and really nothing too novel to try and explain. However, it does clear up a number of often strange seeming traits that men exhibit when around women. We like to understand, we believe there should be rules for things, even if we disagree with them, they should be there, and someone should believe in them. So when something goes wrong, our natural instinct is to find the rule that was violated, and either fulfill it, or change the rule and make things better. In other words, we need to fix things. That guy Gray, mentioned it in passing in his book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and it is very very true. Understanding of this simple fact and the need to make progress in understanding a mans surroundings makes it easy for a man to be more real, and more needed.

There is often a mistake made when thinking about men, that is the urge to oversimplify our psyches or reduce us to base animal desires, such as those for food, sex, or domination. While these are primal urges that all people are prey to, men are often more sensitive to them, and their natural order more often than women. That doesn't make us more primitive, it makes us much more powerful, and subtle, and in touch with our deeper natures. A man of integrity is one who is able not just to deny these urges, (which is a primary response of those who feel they are overwhelming) but to understand and incorporate them into one's life in a positive and constructive manner. Men build things, we like to achieve, to learn, to create, to destroy, we like to DO as well as BE, we like to ACT as well as Feel. For us, our emotions are drawn from the central realities of our life, and identity. For women, those central realities seem to be drawn from their emotional response to their surroundings and their identity. This doesn't mean that is the case, it means that to a lot of men, it's a very easy explanation of the way women seem to behave.

This is a crucial point: most of the complexity of man is hidden behind the labels of identity, often chosen by our female counterparts. Women may know what their men DO, but seldom who they ARE, hence the need for us to vocalize or in some other way express our innerselves that is explanitory. In a very real sense we may as well be robots with emotions to a lot of women - inscrutable tools that fit into their lives as and when needed, which in itself is an oversimplification, but one that serves us from day to day, so and so is tolerable.

I could go on, but I think the central point is made. Men are much more complex than society gives them (us) credit for. Until that is better understood by our female companions, then I think they will miss who we are, and be lost in the surface detail.

She is dangerous and innocent at the same time. You want to try and convey her worth, her meaning to you, that your day and night begin with the look in her eyes, that her smile ends Winters and her frown crashes financial markets. If you do this, you know that all she will do is shrug.

She is what every man dreams of: She is passionate but never angry, she is raunchy yet elegant, she knows exactly how to act to buffer your mood and most importantly she wants you but never asks for commitment. But that is all you want from her; you want to protect her, care for her, be her shoulder, make her yours. But she can never be yours. This is life's cruel fate. You want something you cannot have and all you can do is sit silently watching, knowing that a train wreck is happening in front of you and realize that silence and acceptance is your only recourse. In fact, you are the conductor of that very train.

You can change this, your mind screams. You have your wits and your limbs about you! But the situation is not right, the perfect world is only in your head. Your actions alone wont be enough to change this. Words like obligation are thrown around in your head. This is not what they taught you as a child. True strength means not getting what you want and learning to live with the fact that you may have been able to change it at the cost of other things. "WhatIf" may be the dirtiest word in the english language, if not than "I should have" is pretty close.

She laughs at your serious gaze and asks what are you thinking? You smile and reply "Only Good Things". This is the curse of being a man. The illusion of possible change.

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