and and and and and

I need to explain something about my Dad, he's quite a sensible guy. He doesn't like nonsense. He's a financial adviser. He's the kind of guy who walks out of Donnie Darko.

So when I'm in the back of the car and I’m going on about how tomatoes are particularly "fgnaihr" but aren't as "shcabot" as potatoes, in an entertaining (but futile) attempt to prove the existence of private language to my brother – he’s going to get annoyed.

To his credit when he's getting really annoyed he will at least try to relieve stress without shouting at everyone. So in an entertaining (but futile) attempt to shut me up for a bit, he set me this puzzle:

"Try to come up with a grammatically correct sentence where "and" appears five times in a row"

Unfortunately for him I am now wise to the methods he uses to keep me quiet. So instead of asking yes or no questions to work through the problem, I came up with lots of silly; annoying and loud ways around the problem.

First of all I tried to get him to explain what he meant by five "ands" in a row. He was half way through saying "You know: 'and and and..." before he realised it was a trick.

If he'd fallen for it I'd still be laughing now.

Then I came up with a story about two families, both with the surname "And" who both wanted to Christen their daughters And, at the same church on the same day. The priest would have to say:

"I hereby Christen And And, and, And And in the name of ..."

A few sillier attempts later I came up with a story about a posh woman who dropped her "aches". (She would say: "I need to go to an 'ospital" instead of "I need to go to a Hospital.")

When she was playing Scrabble with the Queen she was very pleased to indicate that she could add an "H" to Her Majesty's three letter word:

"And, and 'and ... and 'and me another tile would you Jeeves"

My Dad is a Scrabble player and so I knew I'd get him with the last one. He finally lost it and tried to explain what he meant as loudly and clearly as possible:

"Right! This incompetent sign writer was asked to do the local pub sign but he did it like this:

"Dog and             Gun"

"So the Landlord wrote to the sign writer a note saying:

"The gaps between Dog and and and and and Gun are not equally spaced!"

The car went quiet until I pointed out that if the Pub had been called the "And and And" the Landlord could have used seven "ands" in a row.

Annoying my Dad is a fine art.

This is why if I ever own a pub I am going to call it:

"The And and             And"