printable version

• You're not alive until you have something to lose
• "Have you noticed that we are surrounded by Germans? Oh my god, you're right!" The quadrennial Cologne Nodermeet, Part II
• If you're going to America, bring your own food
• You're voting this sucka down now, but I'm going to laugh
• Man's desire to blow shit up, and to have a nice attache case
• I'm going to have to ask you to leave
• Get dressed NOW or you're going in your underwear.
• If you're going to speak archaic English, use it correctly!
• I still have a lot of exploring to do
• Let's go, keys. I've been drinking vodka and have a lot of big ideas.
• We're going to have to take Heidi home
• Never imagine you have any idea what you're attracted to
• Have you told your parents you're gay?
• I have lots of gay friends
• You're going home in the back of an ambulance
• Collision avoidance technique
• I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head.
• Help! I'm going to have sex
• How to treat the dog you're going to kill
• you're not alive until you have nothing left to lose
• Where the hell do you think you're going today?
• The hot girls from cold countries have scars you're not supposed to see
• I have been thinking about kissing. A lot.
• Knowing you're going to die when you turn 30
• If you're going to do something evil, do it on April Fools' Day
• Your radical ideas about taking candy from thefez have already occurred to others
• you're so full of shit you need your own sewer system
• If you don't know where you're going, any path will take you there
• Eat well, shit strongly, and you shall have no fear of death!
• You're not going to be happy until you put someone's eye out
• If you're not going to worship me, get the fuck out of my bed
• If you're going to complain about store policy, don't do it to the employees!
• When you know things are just meant to be
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• Where are you going?
• I enjoy slacking. Does that mean I'm going to Hell?
• Where be ye going, you Devon maid?
• An easy way to get out of going to church
• The Going Of The Battery
• I'm Not Going to Lie to You
• You do realise that this is going to be our lives for the next ten years?
• I'm Going to Go Back There Someday
• She's Gotta Have It
• Karl Marx must have had a lousy job
• When I have female children
• We atheists have a good sense of humor
• Scientists who have genetically designed their children for superior 'fros
• You just have to tell me these things, okay?
• I may or may not have been naked
• I would have cooled this if you had written it
• How many "Spinal Tap" drummers have died, in total?
• Cats don't have brakes
• Why have there been no great women artists?
• Motherboards need to have a standard labeling scheme.
• I used to have so many dreams
• Yes, I have a thousand tongues
• Have you ever seen a despot with a little nose?
• have a penny, leave a penny, need a penny, take a penny
• I have had enough of Survivor
• Do not be surprised, I have always been your canvas, Argenis.
• The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most
• Why casinos have an upper limit on bets
• Swim with the fishies, but remember you have wings
• This land does not have three hundred taels of silver!
• Damn, damn, damn: what did you have to go and do that for
• They have a trendy name for every different kind of fucked up.
• You can have great armfuls of just such roses as these.
• Have I just accidentally reinvented beef Stroganoff?
• Your radical ideas about your radical ideas occurring to others have already occurred to others
• The most influential songs to have won the Eurovision Song contest
• Lots
• terror in the parking lot
• Satellite parking lot
• no shit
• I Want My Shit
• Theories about the future that make you think "Holy shit, I'm scared!"
• rare as rocking horse shit
• Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead
• If someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "Yes!"
• When you're alone
• I'll explain it when you're older
• You're dripping liquid sex into my Cherry Coke
• What You're Doing
• You're either with us or you're against us
• You're on Christmas with Sal
• when you're 30, you'll change your mind
• When you're supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom
• Gaffed deal
• Never deal with a dragon
• Going through the motions
• Why I am going to law school
• When are you going to stop running?
• Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
• I'm going to do something stupid if I don't get laid
• What have you been smoking?
• How to have fun in post-Civil War New York
• Haves and Have-Nots
• Where have all the Merrymakers gone?
• I have little or no desire to watch you perform your daily rituals
• Names have power
• Though I may not have lived a virtuous life, at least I can say I've lived
• Why I want to have children
• Who needs genetic cloning when we have The Gap?
• Have brain, will travel
• Warmer winds than this have frozen sunnier days
• Finding out you have cancer
• When I too long have looked upon your face,
• I have dreadlocks and I don't know where the pot is
• It could have been me
• It was a reasonable chat, I let him have it alone
• Things that would have seemed unbelievable about 11 years ago
• I should have danced with you
• Perhaps pain will stop me where good sense and virtue have failed
• AES may have been broken
• You, standing
• Dogs don't have souls, so it doesn't matter
• Not tonight, I have a headache
• have given my heart away just as carelessly and as meticulously planned as ever
• How to have a Scotch Tasting
• If you have enough monkeys banging randomly on typewriters, they will eventually type the works of William Shakespeare
• I have the mistaken belief that we are all good people
• Have you been a dad today?
• Movies that should have been books first
• It makes lots of sense to me. Unfortunately, that's what hurts the most.
• A Lot of Loneliness
• The body's alive, but no head. I'm having a lot of trouble accepting it.
• I feel like shit today, but I can always feel worse tomorrow
• I am serving up and weildering triple secret fat ass flaming wisdoms, shit aint availing you, lamers of Edom!
• HOT DAMN 6! This time, karma debt ain't allowed to do shit
• 25 ways not to tell someone that you're in love with them
• I'm rubber, you're glue
• Ways to Say you're done
• I hope you're fucking happy
• Move, and pretend you're still breathing
• I finally realize you're gone forever
• Get off me Daddy, you're crushin' my cigarettes!
• Does it keep you company or remind you you're alone?
• You're there. Everywhere.
• IP Addresses and How to Deal With Them
• Dealing with foggy bathroom mirrors
• The introverted thinker and the extroverted feeler deal with divorce
• going dumb
• Going Gold
• Going on a Picnic
• Going A-Travelling
• There's Something Going On
• I'm going to paint a number 7.
• I don't have a thing to wear!
• Baptist jokes
• How the mighty have fallen
• Your radical ideas about society, individualism, and religion have already occurred to others
• Rampant mass consumerism is so evil. Hey, can I have a sip of that Frappucino?
• I have bloodmarks on my floor
• Humans have six senses, why does everyone think we only have five?
• Why should the public have to pay for a new stadium for a privately owned team?
• A rant about the worst professor I have ever worked with
• I have to check and see if they wear panties
• Have you hugged a fat person today?
• You have to watch out for the quiet ones
• Survival isn't good enough, you have to live
• Great Truths About Life That Children Have Learned
• just to have some human contact
• I love you so much that I have to break up with you
• When you have a trip planned, but don't go, you need to cancel your reservations
• Things that have never been said in the entire history of man
• I have no memory of my Mother
• You have the right to ask
• Oh, False One, You Have Deceived Me
• I have to fight the urge to become a supervillain
• American politicians who have studied abroad
• I have thrown myself free of the yoke of arrogance.
• We have a fictitious world; that is the first step:
• times when i have said: i wanted to write
• If it had been able to, the light would have smiled
• This is an ode to the one I have loved the least
• When living we have need of Death
• J. keeps saying, You understand. I keep thinking, I have found you.
• There was a lot of blood, but the boys needed it
• thefez sure can eat a lot of steak for a slim guy
• You can learn a lot about someone from the way they die
• My brother shit in my pillow
• Shit is a bad word
• Mr shit (user)
• Everything is made of water and sunshine and shit
• So you think you're Bruce Lee
• The guy who talks to you while you're taking a piss
• You're running Linux on what?
• You're in our world now

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